|
|
||||||
|
|
The SCENESubmissions 2002 Archives
|
|
||||
|
|
||||||
|
|
|
TIME TO RSVP for the January 19th Rose & Thorn New Year's Party!
I'm all for bringing back the birch, but only between consenting adults. ~ Gore Vidal
--'--,--`--<@ --'--,--`--<@ --'--,--`--<@ --'--,--`--<@ THE ROSE & THORN WEEKLY NEWZ Sunday, January 6th, 2002 --'--,--`--<@ --'--,--`--<@ --'--,--`--<@ --'--,--`--<@
FEATURED ARTICLES IN THIS STEAMING ISSUE: Letters to the Editor New Vermont BDSM Listserv/Discussion Group Respect - Column By Amber Fetish Flea Market Coming January 26th! NCSF - Who Is The National Coalition For Sexual Freedom And What Do They Do? A Few Animal Facts - humor Hot Off The Presses - Change In Leadership At Rose & Thorn BDSM Website Of The Week - Recommended By Our Readers EVENTS NEAR AND SEMI-NEAR Rose & Thorn Upcoming Events The Regional Events & Announcements Listing ADMINISTRIVIA My Newsletter got Truncated! What do I do? How To Get Off Or On The Mailing List, Newsletter Policy etc.
================(())================== LETTERS TO THE EDITOR I enjoyed your articles on negotiation, they brought back memories of my one long-term experience and the levels to which it soared because of our communication. Obviously, I still sit in the shadows of the BDSM community in VT, but I am still here...shy as ever.. enjoying the newsletter and appreciating all your hard work. ~ Dove ================(())================== NEW VERMONT BDSM LISTSERV/DISCUSSION GROUP I am inviting you all to join an online forum for D/s discussions in Vermont. I am hoping that if all use this forum we will end up with a stronger community here and better serve the wants and needs of the people in it. I think an online group has been needed to be able to share thoughts and ideas. Please invite those who you think might be interested. By joining VTSocietyofKink, you will be able to exchange messages with other group members. Yahoo! Groups also makes it easy to store photos and files, coordinate events and more. Here's an introductory message from the group moderato. ~ Esox (lord_esox@yahoo.com) To Join: Go to the Yahoo! Groups site at http://groups.yahoo.com/invite/VTSocietyofKink ================(())================== RESPECT By Amber nytelove@hotmail.com Respect doesn’t come easily – it is something earned. Submissiveness is not like an automatic light switch that turns on when a Dominant enters a room, the title Dominant, to me, must be earned and it is earned with respect shown toward submissiveness in general. There are many Dominant minds out there in the world that assume a submissive must bow down and kiss their feet upon first meetings, or in other words, follow what they consider the normal flow of BDSM. But this is just not so. The actions and behaviors of submissives are responses and reactions to the Dominant’s behavior, self control and communication skills. If a Dominant takes a submissive to dinner and expects her to eat from His hand, He had better well keep in mind that if the submissive has never experienced that before, she might very well feel uncomfortable with that request. It is not always easy for submissives to know what they want or need, but it is the responsibility of the Dominant to accept limits and tolerate with understanding things that may not go the way they had fore-thought the situation. It is true that most Dominant’s <expect>, or perceive certain things in advance – be it - an idea, a plan of action, or an event like feeding in a restaurant. However, it would be most wise for most Dominant’s to realize that being submissive does not mean being a doormat. Communication is a skill, for both parties involved. It is negotiating a scene, or negotiating a meeting. Realize that most all negotiations are still being worked out during the process of the actual event. Respect that a submissive may not actually know until she is in the <moment> what it is she is comfortable in actually doing. I got an email once, from a local Dominant that thought I had been someone He had recently scened with. I was in fact, not anyone He had ever actually met. He started the email with "well – hello slut" and I became SO infuriated that I waited an entire day to cool down before I blasted Him with an extremely formidable response. When I finally chose to meet Him face to face – I blasted Him again and then added to our dialogue an entire hour of conversation regarding Respect. He started calling me <kiddo> and I flat out told Him – that was NOT OK. His swearing when talking in conversation was NOT OK either. This is a man with a college degree and I found that by explaining why it was NOT OK to behave as He did, He changed His behavior responsively and respectfully. He is now a very good friend of mine and extremely <respectful> to what I will tolerate and what I will not tolerate. Being submissive does not mean that a person cannot draw a line in the sand. There are certain behaviors that we demand from Dominants, and the most important one is Respect. The same is true of submissives. If you want respect, you need to behave in a respectful manner. If you don’t want your Dominant calling you a slut at any other time than sceneing – tell Him it bothers you; tell Him it is not acceptable behavior. I know so many woman and men that cannot find it within themselves to open up and communicate – and those same woman and men spend half their time complaining about the results of just that. Is it OK for a Dominant who has not communicated in any great length with a submissive for over a year to just show up one night and expect that nothing has changed in that submissives life? No. Is it respectful? No. Once a Dominant crosses the line and loses Respect, should He expect that submissive to ever respect Him again? Perhaps, if the Respect is once again earned. Respect is an action, it is a mindful thing. Disrespect is harmful and hurtful to a submissives soul. We respond to each other from a basic place called friendship, the one thing that keeps relationships going on any level is consideration of the other person. Be considerate of others, and be respectful, these things are the very things that bond our link to human compassion and human compatibility, as friends, lovers, and eternal souls. Oh, and have I mentioned that I love floggers too!? ~giggles~ ================(())================== FETISH FLEA MARKET COMING UP - DO CARPOOL! ~ Ed, Leader of the White Mountains Different Strokes Fetish Flea Market - I'd like to recommend the semi-annual Fetish Flea Market. This will be held over a two-day period: on Sat, January 26th 11:00 am - 6:00 pm & Sun, January 27th 11:00 am - 3:00 pm at the Rolling Green Ramada Inn, 311 Lowell Street (Route 133), Andover MA. This is across the street from the IRS center, just east from Exit # 43 on Interstate 93. Lifestylers will commandeer the place, there are no vanilla guests during those two days. There are vendors out the wazoo, demonstrations, lectures - plus a gala event on Saturday night. The best thing about this event for novices - you do not have to talk to anyone here! You can remain completely anonymous if you wish. When I first became acquainted with the lifestyle, it was attending this event that did it - I sold myself much better than anyone else could have done, trying to sell it to me. "Wow, so many people here look like....me..maybe this is for me?" With apologies to Thomas Paine, I'd like to make two modest proposals: 1) This year, both the PENE group as well as ALU (of Maine) will be sharing a vendor's table. A number of New Hampshire group members will rendezvous at their table at 2:00 PM on the Saturday date. The official brochure given at the front door should have a map identifying the vendor locations. Why not join us at then - if for no other reason than to compare purchases? 2) For many on this list in northern Vermont, it'll be quite a drive. One solution: arrange some carpools. One idea is meet at someone's house - which can work well when you already know the location. But another way is (especially for people who live deep in the woods) - arrange a carpool at a Park'n'Ride. If there's a Park'n'Ride in north/central Vermont (and especially just off Interstate 89) - that's a good meeting place and one can get there without trying to find a house far away without good street signs, in the early morning darkness. ================(())================== This article is the FIRST in a series of twelve reprinted with permission from The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. The articles will run once a month. The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom is a national advocacy and lobbying organization promoting tolerance of sexual minorities and of those who engage in, write about, or study sexual minority practices among consenting adults. The NCSF constituency is broad and includes people of all orientations. Because research indicates that members of the SM-Leather-Fetish communities represent a significant percentage of the population (5%-10%) and experience significant discrimination as a result of their interests, NCSF has a specific commitment to this group. Please visit their website at: http://www.ncsfreedom.org/ 5505 Connecticut Avenue, NW Suite 184 Washington, DC 20015 Office: 301-585-7820 / Fax: 301-585-8575 THE COMPLETE SERIES INCLUDES: Who Is The National Coalition For Sexual Freedom And What Do They Do? What Is SM? SM Is Not Domestic Violence The Psychiatric Opinion About SM How Many People Engage In SM? More Information About SM Should I Be Afraid Of People Who Enjoy SM? How Many People Engage In SM? SM Vs. Abuse "Violence Against SM Women Within The Lesbian Community: How To Write A Letter To The Editor Fighting With Ourselves: A Leadership Guide To Resolving Conflicts In The SM -Leather-Fetish Communities WHO IS THE NATIONAL COALITION FOR SEXUAL FREEDOM AND WHAT DO THEY DO? An Increasingly Effective Advocate for the SM-Leather-Fetish Communities The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) does much more than you may think. You see our organization when it takes broad stands on general issues of sexual freedom. But NCSF’s primary work on a day-to-day basis is to promote tolerance of consenting adults to practice safe, sane and consensual SM-Leather-Fetish activities. We are making real progress legally and politically, and these achievements are a direct result of NCSF’s emergence as a vehicle for strong support and activism by members of the SM-Leather-Fetish communities. NATIONAL POLITICS NCSF works politically at the national level as a member of the National Policy Roundtable (NPR), a program initiative of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. NPR brings together some 55 GLBT, civil and human rights groups, who meet for two days twice a year to discuss national policy issues of common interest. NCSF currently serves on the NPR Steering Committee. Our participation in NPR, and the alliances it helps us build, has been a key factor in successful legal/political battles such as the City of Baltimore (discussed below). Further, it helps NCSF develop key relationships with organizations such as the American Civil Liberties Union and AFL-CIO, which is paramount to achieving our future legislative and policy goals. These cooperative efforts pay dividends. For example, NCSF last year joined in with 43 other NPR groups to launch a national vote awareness and pledge campaign targeted to focus voters in our communities on implications of the Presidential election for the make-up of the Supreme Court. NCSF’s campaign emphasized how the composition of the Supreme Court could affect its approach to future cases on sexual freedom issues of concern to SM-Leather-Fetish practitioners. We reached hundreds of thousands of you with this important message during the 2000 elections. NCSF also sent letters to both Bush and Gore during the campaign to educate them on the discrimination and privacy issues of SM-Leather-Fetish practitioners. Gore’s campaign responded to our communication. For several years, NCSF advocated that NPR undertake a discussion of sex and politics. This year we succeeded, and NCSF has had a major role in planning the agenda, "Sex and Politics" for the upcoming March 2nd NPR meeting. This provocative program will feature a dynamic group of presenters and participants, as well as a presentation by NCSF on issues of selective enforcement against SM practitioners. INCIDENT RESPONSE NCSF is playing an increasingly important role in legal and media incidents affecting local SM communities throughout the country. Our incident response procedures use a team approach and involve as many members of the community as possible, with NCSF in an advisory capacity. Our goal in each case is to help the local community organize effectively and develop a plan for dealing with the incident. When the case generates media sensationalism, NCSF works directly with the media, as well as counseling the local community on how to deal with the media effectively. NCSF played a major role in negotiations with the City of Baltimore, where SM venues had been shut down and defined by zoning as "adult entertainment". Ultimately, our efforts were instrumental in achieving a reversal of the City’s previous decision and a major victory for the SM-Leather-Fetish communities. NCSF has helped local communities address similar crises in localities across the country, including Boston/Attleboro, DC, Spokane and San Diego. LAW ENFORCEMENT OUTREACH PROGRAM One of NCSF’s most successful projects is the Law Enforcement Outreach Program (LEOP), officially launched in February, 2000. Developed under the direction of Scott Parker, a former law enforcement officer, with input from law enforcement personnel and attorneys around the country, the Law Enforcement Outreach Program is designed to help SM-Leather-Fetish Practitioners avoid selective enforcement and arrest and teach them how to talk to law enforcement and other authorities about consensual SM. The NCSF Law Enforcement brochure, "Consensual S/M Activities: A Field Guide for Law Enforcement", is designed specifically for law enforcement personnel. Other LEOP materials advise SM practitioners on effective ways to deal with law enforcement situations. NCSF now has 19 presenters nationwide trained to offer the Law ENFORCEMENT OUTREACH CURRICULUM. MEDIA AND ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY OUTREACH NCSF is active in responding to mainstream press coverage of SM-Leather-Fetish issues. We have in many cases changed negative headlines into more positive ones. Working in tandem with local community members, NCSF was successful in changing headlines in the Attleboro incident within 48 hours from "Attleboro Sex Club the Talk of the Town" and "Sex Club Scandal" to "Sadomasochism Case Raises Civil-Rights Issues". We recently launched a proactive campaign to make the media aware of NCSF and provide tools to help SM-Leather-Fetish practitioners respond more effectively. Recently, NCSF started giving particular attention to the entertainment industry. NCSF is working with a well-known media/political strategist to develop a community-specific media training program for SM-Leather-Fetish practitioners. A small module of this program will be submitted for presentation and introduced at the 2001 Leather Leadership Conference in Chicago, and a full-blown version is planned for release later this year in San Francisco. This will enable NCSF to offer media-specific training programs designed to address the specific issues of SM-Leather-Fetish practitioners. SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH COMMUNITY OUTREACH One of the key long-term goals of NCSF is to promote scientific research related to SM-Leather-Fetish activities. To this end, NCSF has participated for two years in presentations at the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS) annual conference. This year, NCSF was proud to present with Gayle Rubin, Rob Bienvenu, and Trevor Jacques (the presentation also included an extensive paper by Spencer Bergstadt). NCSF also sponsored a dinner hosted by prominent SM scholar Charles Moser and attended by 14 researchers currently working on or interested in working on SM-Leather-Fetish research. This led to creation of a discussion list to help further SM research and initiated a formal request within SSSS to form a Special Interest Group related to SM issues. In June, 2001, NCSF will also participate in the 15th Annual World Congress of Sexuality in Paris, presenting on "Sex and Politics in the U.S.". Two internationally recognized attorneys who are well known public figures will speak with us on that program. "THOSE FOLKS YOU NEVER HEAR ABOUT…" You never hear about the majority of NCSF’s work related to arrests and discrimination unless it becomes a national incident like San Diego, Baltimore or Attleboro. We regularly respond to calls from people in trouble. The examples below are calls that NCSF actually received, not made up examples. * A frightened mother who is expecting child protective services to show up and take away her children because she thought it was okay to invite the policeman in to look around and he discovered SM paraphernalia. * A mother who was arrested for solicitation, along with her fiancee, because they solicited a third play partner via the Internet and joked about money on-line. Police raided the house "en masse" and broke down the basement door (dungeon). * A man who lost his job because he inadvertently left a paper from his SM-Leather-Fetish group on the copy machine. * A man who lost his promotion because email correspondence at work related to SM-Leather-Fetish activities. * A man who feels he is being forced into an unreasonable divorce settlement because his wife introduced their consensual SM activities as "abuse". These are just a few examples. Requests for NCSF help are increasing rapidly. For a five-month period ending in 2000, NCSF received 154 requests. In the first two months of 2001, NCSF has already received 317 such requests. We are also seeing a significant increase in the number of potential and actual criminal cases related to SM-Leather-Fetish activities in which NCSF has been asked to help. Reprinted with permission - copyright The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom
================(())================== A Few Animal Facts - Humor ~ Anonymous A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the....") Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life... quality over quantity.) The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm........) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (So… the pigs aren't enjoying themselves?) ================(())================== CHANGE IN LEADERSHIP AT ROSE & THORN I wanted to let all of you know of some changes that are happening at Rose & Thorn. After two and a half years I've decided that it's time to pass my leadership baton to the very capable hands of our core group. This will happen over the next few months, during which time I'll continue to be active with the core group. I will be continuing with my columns and this newsletter as well. We hope to make the transition as transparent as possible to you our guests, although you can probably expect that some things will change. Are you interested in helping Rose & Thorn move into its next phase? We can certainly use your help! Please contact our Member Liaison Michael at fletch1107@adelphia.net if you'd like to help out. Thank you all for your support, compliments, and passion over the last few years! Starting this community has been one of the things in my life where I could clearly see that I have improved people's lives. ~ Sadie ================(())================== BDSM WEBSITE OF THE WEEK - RECOMMENDED BY OUR READERS Bondage Furniture Made In Maine http://bondagefurniture.com/ We have been custom making household furniture since 1973. Coffee tables, hall tables, cabinets, displays, bureau's, dressers, lingerie dressers and many other items. At the same time I had been involved with the alternative lifestyle. I found it hard to find pieces of furniture. If I did, I found them to be expensive. With our experience building quality furniture it was a short jump to build my own bondage furniture. We keep costs low, located in Maine we have access to the best lumber at the best prices. We use only kiln-dried wood in our furniture. This process removes excess moisture. In turn this means your furniture will not split, warp, or shrink at the joints and become loose. We hand select our wood and for softwoods we use Fir, Spruce and Pine. For hardwoods Cherry, Oak, Birch and Maple. All furniture is built using screws, bolts, and glue. No nails are used in our furniture. Before finishing we hand sand our products for that smooth splinter less touch. If you can't find what you are looking for we can custom build it from your description, or sketch.
================[[]]================== ROSE & THORN BDSM SOCIAL EVENTS ================[[]]================== For more info contact me: BurlVTSub@aol.com UPCOMING DATES (Usually the third Saturday of the month): Saturday January 19th New Year's Party (Burlington) - This is a PURPLE themed party - please wear a purple accountrement. Saturday February 16th Dinner OUT at a restaurant. Please wear evening dress - nothing too wild please! Saturday March 16th St. Patrick's Day Party - This is a GREEN themed party - please wear a green accountrement. Saturday April 20th Saturday May 18th Saturday June 15th - THIRD anniversary party! ================(())================== REGIONAL VT & NEW ENGLAND BDSM EVENT & ANNOUNCEMENT LIST ***Due to the growing length of this newsletter, we'll be sending out the Regional Events List every few weeks as a separate e-mail. If you need it immediately, please e-mail Sadie for a copy. ================(())================== REQUEST COPIES OF OUR MOST POPULAR ARTICLES! Just e-mail Sadie with the one you want. SENSUOUS SADIES'S PRACTICAL TIPS AND STRATEGIES FOR THE BDSM SCENE Where Do I Start? Getting Involved In The BDSM Lifestyle Fat Women, Body Image, And Sexual Politics In The BDSM Scene I've Been Invited To A BDSM Play Party! Should I Go? Sadie Comes Out As A Bawdy Girl And So Much More - A Two Part Series Sensuous Sadie’s Top 10 List For Dating Doms Sadie's Prime Directives for Snagging the Domme (or Dom) of your Dreams A Conversation between Mistress Ren and Sensuous Sadie on the Changing Face of BDSM from the Old Guard to the "New Money." + Letters to the editor debating this hot issue SENSUOUS SADIE'S PERSONAL REFLECTIONS ON THE BDSM SCENE It's Not About The Whip- Exploring the Erotica Mystica of BDSM Sensuous Sadie Considers A 24/7 - A Two Part Series Sensuous Sadie And The Catch-22 Of Looking Domme Sensuous Sadie and The Dilemma of Submissives Training Their Doms Sensuous Sadie Gets Slapped Negotiating the Emotional Landscape of D/s Play The Nature of Sadism and the Sadism of My Nature Meeting the Devil at the Crossroads of Spirituality, Sexuality, Love, and BDSM OTHER POPULAR COLUMNS List of Newsletters and All Articles Run in 2001 What Every Novice Dom/me Should Have In Their Toy Bag - A list from our members Play Party Etiquette by Mistress Ren of CUFSmaine SM Vs. Abuse Ten Rules for Dominants Chastity Belts by Altairboy BDSM LISTS AND RESOURCES R&T Member's Favorite Websites Consignment shops in Northern Vermont (for dressing BDSM) Stores & shops that sell BDSM Paraphernalia in Northern Vermont ================(())================== ADMINISTRIVIA QUIT YER BITCHIN - SEND LETTERS TO THE EDITOR! Send them to me! I LOVE letters reaming me out for my views. I'll print your comments in all their unedited glory and let the community castigate you for your inability to spell. I also welcome thoughtful ramblings about whatever BDSM topic you fancy. MY NEWSLETTER GOT TRUNCATED! WHAT DO I DO? Some Internet Service Providers do not accept long e-mails (this newsletter is about 8 pages) that come in on a "blind" copy. They probably assume it's spam. We've shortened the newsletter, but we cannot send direct mail because our mailing list is confidential. So if your newsletter gets screwed up in transit, let me know and I'll send you a copy by direct mail or we can send it to an alternate e-mail address. My apologies to those of you with this problem. If anyone wants to query their ISP and find out how to get around this, please let me know. WANT TO BE OFF THE MAILING LIST? Just let me know, and off you'll be. No hard feelings. (Please remember that we only have one mailing list, so if you don't get this weekly mailing you won't know upcoming event dates.) WANT TO BE **ON** THE MAILING LIST? Are you getting this newsletter forwarded from someone else? Just e-mail burlvtsub@aol.com and we'll put you on the mailing list. It's FREE! PUBLISHING POLICY Articles must be BDSM related Non Fiction only (except for poetry and humor). This is an educational forum. We must have copyright permission to reprint articles. We will not edit your work so please make sure it is proofread. Please note if I can use your name and e-mail address so readers can respond to you directly. We will treat you with courtesy and respect and we expect the same. Do not expect us to run your information if you are acting like a jerk. We only run listings for established BDSM groups that are in alignment with our values. We do not list private play parties. If you have a concern about the newsletter, please write us about it and include suggestions for fixing the problem. Insults with no corresponding suggestions will not be responded to. For example - one reader accused the newsletter of being "CyberDomme." That may or may not be true, as many of the writers are indeed women, but it did not suggest any solutions (such as this male writer offering to write some articles.)
|
|
|
||
|
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
