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"In my work, military experience, sports activities,
and BDSM: I've noticed from watching the real experts, and top
performers, in any discipline are laid back easy going, confident in
their ability, and know how to treat people right and represent their
discipline right. This is not an implication that I'm a BDSM expert, far
from it. But I know people. Those who are arrogant, angry, profess their
own expertise while putting others down are very often the ones with
some good skills who lack the maturity, endurance, and stability for the
long haul it takes to become a true expert, and down inside they know
they are lacking something. Disciplines are different, but people are
people."
~ Roger, Core Group of Rose & Thorn of Vermont
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SCENEsubmissions
Sunday, June 23rd 2002
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IN THIS STEAMING ISSUE
Where Do I Start? Exploring Relationship Options in BDSM Part 2 - By
Sensuous Sadie
SCENEprofiles Interview With Charlie, Founder Of The Binghamton, NY
Munch, And Managing Editor Of The BDSM News
Amazing - Poem by Lady Calliah
Kewl Quotes By BDSM Writers & Columnists
BDSM Website of the Week - Recommended by Our Readers
ADMINISTRIVIA
About Sadie And The Mission Of This Newsletter
What's Going On Around New England? Our Regional Events List.
Visit the Erotic Power Exchange Dominion for torrid stories, sexy
poetry, & spicy humor.
How To Get Off Or On The Mailing List, Newsletter Policy etc.
================(())==================
WHERE DO I START? EXPLORING RELATIONSHIP OPTIONS IN BDSM PART 2
By Sensuous Sadie
BurlVTSub@aol.com
www.sensuoussadie.com
This is Part 2 in the column series Where Do I Start? for novices to the
BDSM scene. They are:
Getting Involved In The BDSM Community
Exploring Relationship Options in BDSM
Getting up to Speed on the Technical Stuff of Dominance
OK I Have A Submissive … What The Heck Do I Do Now?
My friend Novelli has been a Dominant all his life, but only inside his
own mind. Having finally come to a place where he has the freedom to
explore his sexual orientation, he's chomping at the bit to Start
Playing! Unfortunately, the more he got out into the community, the more
he realized that he didn't know how to make a BDSM relationship happen.
There were so many confusing questions. Did he want a play partner or a
girlfriend? Did he want a monogamous relationship or could he handle
playing with multiple people? Were the rules of dating the same as in
the Vanilla world?
Many novices come into the scene a little bit confused by all the
relationship options suddenly available to them. Part of this has to do
with extreme novelty of the many types of sexuality out in the open, but
also because unlike traditional society, alternative types of
relationships are both common and celebrated.
It's a good idea to consider the full range of BDSM relationships, from
the traditional committed one-on-one to an open relationship, to a
threesome, to one that is "strictly play." I also encourage people to
explore both their dominant and submissive sides (yes, they are both in
your nature to varying degrees) as well as considering men, women,
couples and transgendered persons. If you are open to different options,
you will find there are many more opportunities for exploration. This
doesn't mean you should do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable
just to score a play partner, rather that by being open to different
types of relationships, you will broaden your experience as well as your
perspective.
When most people look at relationships, they break them down into
general parameters like single or married; monogamous or cheating; and
if they're adventurous, straight or gay. In general, the vanilla
community isn't particularly aware of the many flavors of relationships
that we BDSM folk take for granted. This column will look at some of
those options so that as you explore, you will be better able to
articulate what you want. BDSM relationships are NOT just like Vanilla
with little kink on the side. The dynamic of the power exchange is, at
its foundation, a completely different animal.
One big difference between BDSM relationships and vanilla ones is that
when we meet people in the lifestyle we know at the bare minimum that
they are into some aspect of BDSM. Maybe not the details, but surely
more than you would know about anyone you met at the Laundromat. In
fact, it's often more than many people know about lovers they've had for
years. Because sex is a taboo subject, not to mention one that
embarrasses many people, it's not unusual to not discover a partner's
sexual needs until well into the relationship, if ever.
If your sexuality is an important part of your identity, then waiting
until you're emotionally involved is far too late to be finding out
these important things.
In contrast, BDSM relationships tend to be much more overt in terms
about talking about our sexual desires, heck we even have checklist
questionnaires for pre and post play sessions. The good part about this
is that it's much easier to negotiate a relationship when you know that
this person's specific interests are in alignment with your own. For
example, I don't date men who I know are looking for a slave, as opposed
to a submissive. That's not my style, and it's better to know that right
up front. I once dated another man who identified himself as an "Enema
Dominant." I knew that while I was willing to do this occasionally, it
was not something I wanted to do every day, or even every week. That
made us not a good match.
What's challenging about this focus is that even though we might be
non-traditional people in terms of our sexual orientation, we are
creatures of our cultural upbringing. If I tell a Dominant about my
sexual needs on our first few dates, they will often assume that I'm
willing to get involved with them. This is a natural assumption because
in our culture, generally speaking, talking about sex generally happens
just prior to having it. Because of this problem, I usually hold off on
discussing my sexual interests until I know a man better. This in itself
has turned off many Dominants who expect me to ante up my personal life
on the first date, or even the first e-mail!
So when people ask me how to negotiate new relationships in the BDSM
scene, I reply that it's a pretty complex question. Some of the easier
questions to answer are these: Are you looking strictly to explore BDSM
play, or for a more emotional connection? Are you looking for casual/no
commitment play as you might find at play parties or a one night stand?
Are you looking to be involved with only one person, or perhaps multiple
partners? Are you looking for a strictly monogamous relationship?
Are you willing to consider an open, or modified open relationship?
While monogamy is considered the norm in vanilla society, a fairly high
percentage BDSM couples engage in play outside their primary
relationships. This is not to say that you should be doing this too, but
rather that you will want to know where you stand on this before getting
involved with someone. Part of the reason this is so common is because
many of us are switches and/or bisexual, and want to explore all the
possible roads. While we may well be in love with and want to stay with
one person, we also want to be free to express our other orientations.
The challenge here is jealousy, which is just as common in BDSM as it is
in the vanilla sector. If you have an open relationship, you must know
that jealousy will not be an issue for you, although you may be able to
work around it through extended negotiation with your partner.
Just as there are levels of commitment in a monogamous relationship,
there are levels of openness in an open relationship. The stereotype of
the open relationship is that of swingers, who are free to sleep with
anyone anytime. While there are people who do this successfully, most of
the open relationships I have observed have very strict parameters.
Some people in open relationships are committed on the emotional end,
and consider that bond is considered their primary emotional connection.
They have an agreement that while they may occasionally have sexual
interaction or BDSM play with other people, that their commitment is to
their relationship. They usually develop an agreement about when and how
other people can be accommodated. For example some couples only include
other people when they are both involved at the same time - in
threesomes. Others allow play outside the partnership as long as both
partners agree on that person on in advance.
Still others have agreements about the type of contact that is
acceptable. For example, some couples have a "no pokey policy" which
means that they can engage in BDSM play with other people, but no
genital interaction. It's common for people to feel that intercourse is
a sacred act that should be shared only with one's life partner. Others
may choose no "intercourse" or no fluid exchange as the measurement.
Regardless of what path you choose in exploring the BDSM scene, the most
important part is thinking through what you are looking for before you
jump into a relationship of any kind. BDSM interaction is based on a
deep trust of your partner and the resulting intimacy can be just as
transforming and magical as a traditional vanilla relationship, whether
or not sex is involved.
* Thanks to Liz for this charming phrase
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sensuous Sadie is a BDSM columnist and edits SCENEsubmissions, a free
e-newsletter for the New England area and beyond. She is the founder and
leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn, Vermont's first BDSM group.
Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting
can be addressed to her at BurlVTSub@aol.com. Sadie believes that the
universe is abundant, and that sharing information freely is part of
this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing in most venues.
Copyright January, 2001.
================(())==================
SCENEprofiles INTERVIEW WITH CHARLIE, FOUNDER OF THE BINGHAMTON, NY
MUNCH, AND MANAGING EDITOR OF THE BDSM NEWS
careid69@yahoo.com
**NOTE: The first issue of BDSM News is out! This
great newsletter (of which I am on staff) includes event, book and
website reviews, news, and great columnists. Please visit it at
http://www.bdsmnews.info/June2002.htm
SENSUOUS SADIE: YOU WERE RAISED BY A STRONG MALE FIGURE, AND TAUGHT TO
BE A GENTLEMEN. HOW HAS YOUR UPBRINGING AFFECTED YOUR BDSM PRACTICE?
CHARLIE: I think it has given me peace. I think having a strong sense of
honor, even though I have made mistakes and gotten off the path of what
some would call the righteous. It brings me back to center when I get to
far from what I know is right and wrong and I know there are many that
have the "answer" and "know the right way" to do things, but I am much
simpler then that.
We have a discussion going about if leaders in the BDSM community can be
held up to the expectation of being honest and upright in their dealings
in the name of the community. So far I am in the minority with the
others thinking it is unrealistic to think that Leaders can be expected
to be honest and the rest blaming society and saying that can be used as
an excuse. Well in my father's house you were expected to say what you
think, mean what you say, and be ready to defend what you believe in. I
think being expected to have good strong thought through ideas and
knowing that if they were lame you would be challenged and if you did
something that was morally and ethically wrong you have to stand before
judgement for your actions makes you think alot about your choices as
you live your life, which I don't think is a bad thing.
Some may say who is to say what is right and wrong. I think each person
has to. I think each parent has to try to teach their child a way to
know right from wrong the best they can. I think you must do things that
you can label and stand behind. My name is Charlie Reid. That is my
given name. I do not have a scene name. I never have. I am what and who
I am. I was taught that if you have to hide what you are doing then
maybe you are doing something wrong. I have as much to lose as the next
person. But I am who I am and that's hard enough with out trying to
pretend to be someone or something else. I will not hide, because I
can't hide from myself. And when you goes to sleep at night. That's the
only voice that you can't hide from.
SS: YOU HAVE COMMENTED THAT NOVICES GO THROUGH PHASES OF FINDING
THEMSELVES, FROM A MORE SELF-FOCUSED STYLE TO EVENTUALLY TURNING OUTWARD
AND HELPING OTHERS GROW. CAN YOU EXPAND ON THIS IDEA?
C: Phase one: Admitting you like something that society has labeled
wrong.
Phase two: Acting on it in private.
Phase three: Looking for someone to share it with. I think this is where
forks in the road come in. If they find a mate that is into what they
are into early on then they may take a long time of enjoying their kink
and relationship with their mate and it could end right there in helping
their mate find and explore themselves and then the mate helping them.
This all depends on if their kink needs an audience or not of course.
If they are drawn out into the public venues to find someone to "play"
with then as the go through their learning, they will find "THE" answer
they will find what works for them and then it is like becoming a
born-again anything. They will start preaching to everyone their form of
BDSM, and because it is so good for them it must be good for everyone.
One size fits' all BDSM. As they go along they find they want more or
something different or they get a new Dominant this phase begins to
settle down, usually not with out some good flame wars on the internet
boards.
But as with many, the search for a mate takes time and many different
paths, and if the paths lead them to groups of like minded people then
there is a good chance they will make contacts and friends in the
Leather community at large. And as any sub can tell you the emotional
and mental ride will take you a wild ride and teach many things about
yourself and other people. You will ride the power driven winds of
another's whims; you will be broken, changed and remade. It may take
quite a few Doms and relationships but at some point you find your
space, your little corner in this reality that you fit in, you find what
you have been searching for and a way to get it in a manner that
satisfies you. Once you find your space and you find your purpose, you
have enough scars you see that what works for you may not work for
others. That is when you can help others, because you see that your
needs are not theirs but you can open yourself up to understand others
and then your voice will be one that understands the phases of what
others are going through.
SS: YOU HAVE COMMENTED THAT YOUR HOBBY IS LOOKING AT STRUCTURE. THIS IS
AN INTERESTING ANALYTICAL THING TO BE DOING. HOW HAVE YOU APPLIED THIS
INTEREST TO OTHER AREAS IN YOUR LIFE?
C: I am a systems analyst. It's what I do. It really is who I am. I see
relationships between cause and effect. I learn as I go about different
forces and relationship. Business, people, money, power, success,
failure all the different things that make projects and businesses
succeed or fail.
SS: YOU SAID THAT "THERE ARE RULES OF CONDUCT IN A SOCIETY AND THESE
RULES HAVE TO BE USED OR WE DON'T HAVE SOCIETY, WE HAVE BREAKDOWNS." ARE
YOU REFERRING TO BDSM PROTOCOL, OR SOMETHING ELSE? WHAT KIND OF
BREAKDOWNS DO YOU MEAN?
C: Historically if you don't have the structure of the church/religion
society doesn't advance. It is said that if we didn't have the
industrial revolution we would not be where are today because it made
forced people to go to work each day in a structured controlled way.
People's thoughts, activities, movements are all controlled by their
job. We have to have rules of conduct otherwise the strong will kill the
weak. No one would care for the old or sick. We would not have cities.
We couldn't muster the needed effort of materials to build them because
humans would not be more then packs of Gorilla's operating on the same
organizational structure. The BDSM Society has the chance to take
society to the next level. We are all remaking ourselves, the question
is will be bring the bad with us.
SS: PLEASE TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOUR OWN BDSM PRACTICE.
C: Really I have gone from a worshipping submissive, to a playful
bottom; it's more comfortable interfacing with society at large this
way.
Experience: Switched for about a year. Been with my Dominant/soulmate
now for two years in an evolving relationship.
Orientation: Hetro but experimenting in an edge play situation is
interesting.
Interests: Having fun, helping.
SS: HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR PHILOSOPHY?
C: Altruistic Egoism
SS: YOU HAVE SAID THAT SOME OF YOUR BELIEFS HAVE BEEN CONSIDERED MILDLY
CONTROVERSIAL. (MAYBE MORE THAN MILDLY?) WHAT SPECIFICALLY ARE YOU
REFERRING TO?
C: Honesty and inclusion in BDSM group leadership and policy making.
Tolerance in people's communications and dealing.
Group governance structure at the local, state and Regional levels.
SS: WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A PARTNER?
C: Kind of funny but I look from the inside out.
SS: DO YOU INTEGRATE A SPIRITUAL APPROACH INTO YOUR PLAY?
C: Every thing you do in life is spiritual. You can't separate it. You
are what you do. Your spirit is with you all the time.
SS: WHAT TOOLS OR PRACTICES DO YOU USE TO DO THIS?
C: Yoga, meditation, and introspection
SS: WHAT MOTIVATED YOU TO START THE BINGHAMTON MUNCH?
C: Having been around one of the greatest examples of leadership, Marci
of Marci and friends. She inspired me, and was there in gentle support.
SS: HOW DID STARTING AND LEADING THIS GROUP AFFECT YOUR PERSONAL
PRACTICE OF BDSM?
C: More parties. It was and is a fun group.
SS: YOU ARE INVOLVED AS A VOLUNTEER IN A NUMBER OF ACTIVITIES. WHICH
ONES MOVE YOU THE MOST?
C: A man walked up to me and said "Charlie, my real name is Bob, and I
want to thank you for your friendship as I have been finding my way.
Your friendship gave me the strength to hang on in this community so I
could find this lovely girl, Thank you." I don't really look for rewards
from my work. The reward is in the work. But sometimes good things grow.
SS: WHAT DID YOU LEARN ABOUT LEADERSHIP AND COMMUNITY FROM VOLUNTEERING
IN YOUR CHILDREN'S GROUPS?
C: Volunteering is the most thankless, important job you will ever have.
SS: YOU HAVE COMMENTED THAT DomSubFriends HAS A SUCCESSFUL STYLE OF
BEING RUN. WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS GROUP THAT YOU FEEL HAS SPECIFICALLY
CONTRIBUTED TO THEIR SUCCESS?
C: Well this is an outsider's view, but honesty, professionalism,
delegation, listening and many active members that are included in
things.
SS: YOU HAVE WRITTEN ABOUT SOME OF THE CONTROL/POWER STRUGGLED WITHIN
AND BETWEEN BDSM GROUPS. CONSIDERING THAT THE POWER EXCHANGE IS THE
FOUNDATION OF OUR BDSM ORIENTATION, DO YOU THINK THAT THERE IS ANY WAY
FOR IT NOT TO BE SUCH A FACTOR ON THE GROUP AND COMMUNITY LEVEL AS WELL?
C: Yes. The difference between a good Dom and a bad Dom. one that can
handle power one that can not. One that has the wisdom to plan for
tomorrow and one that only has short-term selfish goals.
SS: WHAT CHANGES DO YOU BELIEVE NEED TO HAPPEN AS A GROUP GROWS FROM A
SMALL 15-MEMBER TYPE MUNCH WITH ONE LEADER TO A LARGER ORGANIZATION?
C: Just like a company. Delegation and inclusion.
SS: YOU HAVE COMMENTED THAT THE MIDDLE-SIZED GROUPS, WITH ABOUT 100
ACTIVE MEMBERS TEND TO BE WHERE THE MOST PROBLEMS OCCUR.
C: You can read about this in any book, really not my ideas but the
person with the dream and the skills to motivate the club in the
beginning may not and usually doesn't have the skills needed to run a
multi-level organization that demands delegation. People will not be
micromanaged for long. People are not idiots, they can do the work,
maybe better then the Leader, and a CPA doing your books is better then
a plumber.
SS: DO YOU THINK IT'S POSSIBLE FOR NEW GROUPS TO FORM WITHOUT ONE
FOCUSED AND DEDICATED LEADER TO MAKE THEIR VISION HAPPEN? CONSIDERING
HOW MUCH WE GROOVE ON POWER, DO YOU THINK IT'S PRACTICAL AT ALL TO
EXPECT GROUP LEADERS TO BE ABLE TO DELEGATE?
C: That is what starts a group, but then it picks up mass and changes.
More people more ideas more needs. More voices that won't be quiet,
won't follow lockstep. This is America. But at the phase of getting to
about one hundred or so it takes a different kind of leadership. Just
like in the corporate world. A middle manager has different
responsibilities then the plant manager. And some people are meant to be
middle mangers and that's ok but everyone has limitations.
SS: YOU HAVE SAID THAT "A STARTING LEADER IS RARELY A LEADER THAT CAN BE
A DAY IN DAY OUT ORGANIZER, OFFICE RUNNING, PAPER WORK DOING, COMPLAINT
LISTENING, MAJORITY CONSENSUS BUILDING LEADER THAT A GROWING GROUP
NEEDS." WHAT IS THE KEY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THESE KINDS OF LEADERS, AND
HOW DO YOU THINK REALISTICALLY THAT WE CAN EDUCATE NEW GROUPS ON GROWING
IN A HEALTHY WAY?
C: Skills and ego, perspective, and maybe Wisdom.
Meeting of the Minds has a section on common leadership model that cause
problems and how to fix them. It's so common on what happens it's really
odd that I am one of the only one's that talk about it. Sometimes
leaders of small groups take themselves too seriously. Big fish in a
small pond syndrome
SS: YOU WRITE THAT YOU "SEEM TO HAVE MORE FUN AND PLAY PARTY ADVENTURES
WITH THE SMALL GROUP CLUBS THEN WITH THE BIG ONES. THE BIG ONES SEEM TO
TALK ALL THE TIME. NO PLAY PARTIES, JUST TALK." WHAT DO YOU THINK IS
BEING LOST AS ORGANIZATIONS GROW?
I think the leadership has to be in touch with all the members' needs.
Some members really like to talk.
I would rather play or be in BDSM lifestyle situations. Not sitting in a
bar talking about it.
SS: YOU HAVE SAID THAT GREAT LEADERS ARE RARE. WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE ARE
THE QUALITIES OF A GREAT LEADER? WHAT LEADERS THAT YOU KNOW FIT INTO
THIS DEFINITION?
C: History tells you who is a great leader. At the time you can't tell
someone is great. YOU can tell if they are really bad. But you can't
tell while it's happening.
For example, I coached girl's softball. Out of five years I got one
championship. Not really a good coach by record. But I look back on my
career and I have two things that are great accomplishments. I started
the July 4th girl's softball game. Never had one. They always had one
for boys never for girls. Big fundraiser for the girls league. And when
these girls got old enough to play ball, all my girls were still playing
ball. I didn't turn them off to the game. The graduated the minors and
kept going. I, among all the "better" coaches, gave my girls the desire
to play. I think that is a great thing.
I think Marci can be considered a great leader she has been doing it for
so long that he has a history of success without all the political petty
things breaking up the group, as happens so often.
Lord Battista may also, if he continues on, fall into this category. His
selfless devotion to the community, His unwavering commitment to being
positive, His understanding of politics and people could make Him a
great leader, check back in a few years.
SS: YOU ARE A NELA ASSOCIATE AND NLA MEMBER. WHAT ABOUT THESE GROUPS ARE
PARTICULARLY ATTRACTIVE TO YOU IN REGARDS TO YOUR INVOLVEMENT IN THE
COMMUNITY?
C: Support for people. If someone or better yet, when someone gets in
trouble a single person will be overwhelmed by press and governmental
pressures. A single person can't deal with all the legal pressures. We
also need to defend our rights. We don't need reactionary legislation
putting us in the same category as rapists and murderers.
SS: YOU ARE ALSO INVOLVED WITH LORD BATTISTA'S MEETING OF THE MINDS
PROJECT. PLEASE TELL ME A LITTLE ABOUT YOUR INTEREST IN THIS.
C: It started out in a funny way. I was rejected by a group to be a
representative to NELA, my son lives out there so I wanted to attend
meetings and go see him and voice the leaderships opinion and then vote
the way the leadership wanted. The Meeting of the Minds Project is a
regional group and they are interested in networking all the groups in
New York and New England and this was in their interest so they
approached me. It falls into my feelings and activities of trying to
bring together all the groups so that we can pool our expertise and
resources to further all our goals.
SS: YOU ARE THE "ASSOCIATE EDITOR/EDITORIAL COMMENTARY/EVENT REVIEWS"
SPECIALIST FOR THE BDSM NEWS (http://www.bdsmnews.info/June2002.htm).
WHAT ATTRACTED YOU TO THIS PARTICULAR ROLE?
C: The idea for the paper came to me from several inspirations. There is
a need in every community for the Fourth Estate. There are political,
health, legal and community issues that have an effect on everyone. I
think the Fourth Estate has the responsibility to keep people informed
about what is going on so they can make informed decisions.
Our community has local, regional and national influences and I think a
set of watchful eyes bringing together all the relevant articles to let
people find quality information on a timely basis. There are also very
good writers on various subjects and bringing them together and with our
powerful IT infrastructure that lets us deliver html pages quickly.
Combined with searchable databases, the information is not dead like it
is in an html page.
We want to provide a central place for the leaders of groups to share
information about what is going on with their club and to provide a
voice for people to speak about what is going on. Schedules, Meeting
Minutes, elections all will be taking place and the people need the
Fourth Estate to do its job just like it does in mainstream Society. I
think all the situations you find in a mainstream Newspaper will be
found in our newspaper as time goes on. We are planning contests,
coupons, a community section, classifieds, help wanted, and all the
things that a paper would offer we will offer to our readers.
The most important thing we will offer is options to voice opinions. We
will look at all relevant BDSM situations, relationships, politics, the
market place, home/toy improvement, etc. We have 22 columnists with
proven valid opinions, some are leaders of the community some are
professional columnists but all have proven that what they say has
validity. For people that are finding their way through their
undiscovered country, good information from people with integrity is
rare and valuable. We know we have it in the people gathered for this
effort. So being a part of a project that brings together the quality of
minds and provides a public service is a great privilege to be involved
with.
SS: HOW DID YOU GET INVOLVED IN THIS PROJECT? WHAT ARE YOUR HOPES FOR IT
IN THE NEXT YEAR?
C: I saw the newsletters of the clubs in Albany and new we could do a
better more all encompassing job. So working with Lord Battista we
combined equipment and talent. We began talking to the EPE Dominion
Volunteer Team members and Albany Kink and Party club members. These
people are members of all the clubs in Albany but these are the clubs
that sponsor this effort and came up with people that have something to
say and a commitment to the community. Lord Battista talked to a
wonderful lady that has great editorial skills and a great commitment to
the lifestyle ... oh wait that's you.... [referring to Sensuous Sadie]
who is pulling together columnists that will give us alot of flavor.
I am proud to announce we have among our columnists Jack Rinella and
Tammy Jo Ekhart. I believe we will have a quality and interesting
material for a wide array of readers. I see us getting vendors and
business's for contests, coupons, and special offers. We want to work
with leaders in all areas of New York and New England to offer to house
their newsletters so they can deliver information in a way that is
better then the tools that most groups have. And free of charge. Our
investment in dollar terms to offer this free of charge service is
around 20 thousand right now. We think this is something the community
can use.
We think we can add to the social fabric of the BDSM community. We hope
to help the shaping of the community by giving all opinions a voice and
let every voice find a place to be heard.
SS: IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH OUR READERS?
C: Have fun,
Treat everyone better,
Take care of yourself,
If it works for them, it's ok,
If it works for you, it's ok,
Don't let people stop you from getting involved.
Get involved.
SS: THANK YOU FOR SPEAKING WITH ME!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you enjoyed this interview, read more SCENEprofiles with BDSM
personalities on Sadie's website at www.sensuoussadie.com
Sensuous Sadie is a BDSM columnist and edits SCENEsubmissions, a free
newsletter for the New England area and beyond. She is the founder and
leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn, Vermont's first BDSM group.
Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting
can be addressed to her at BurlVTSub@aol.com. Sadie believes that
the universe is abundant, and that sharing information freely is part of
this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing in most venues.
Copyright May, 2002.
================(())==================
Amazing
By Lady Calliah
ladycalliah@hotmail.com
The touch of skin
The fall of a lash
hearts pounding
whispered commands
murmured response
the trust placed
on both sides
caresses, hard and soft
soft sighs in the darkness
hair, golden silk
eyes, pools of warm water
soft leather
hard steel
encircling your neck
my strength
your strength
Amazing.
================(())==================
KEWL QUOTES BY BDSM WRITERS & COLUMNISTS
We play on a submissive body much in the same way a violinist plays a
violin in order to give it depth and pliability. The difference between
music and S/m, which makes so much of what we do so intense, is that
music exists for a mass audience, while we create music for an audience
of one. More importantly the instrument is also a participant. It is a
dance in which two people acquire a different state of mind, a
transcendental state has many names but is without definition.
~ Rick Umbaugh
Many people discover their personal spirituality inside the BDSM world.
They find personal happiness, instinctive understanding and within the
purity of their interaction with their partner they "touch forever"
inside the deepest part of themselves.
~ Mistress Steel
The scene quietly flowed into a high level of intensity. Both of us were
"buzzing" with delightful sensations. In that moment we both had an
indescribable experience. Something passed between us, engulfed us,
lifted us to some celestial plane. It was what I have come to call a
"white light" experience.
~ Jack Rinella
I believe in the bold and fiery expansion of the incalculable universe
and in the small incalculable spark of the individual epiphanic
experience.
~ yielding, slave to Master Stern
Every Sunday in church, we confess our dependence on God, the power in
whom we live and move and have our being, whom we praise and thank for
all good gifts. We kneel in joy, not terror. To the people who sneer at
such submission, who claim that church is a crutch, my answer now would
be a simple shrug and the response, "Yes, sure it is. So's breathing."
~ Rebecca Brook
================(())==================
BDSM WEBSITE OF THE WEEK - RECOMMENDED BY OUR READERS
THE BONDAGE/DOMINANCE SADISM/MASOCHISM PURITY TEST
This test rates your BDSM purity (and to some degree, your sexual purity
(even better, it rates your kink purity)). The majority of these 100
questions assume that you have had an introduction to the world of
bondage, dominance and sadomasochism. For the purposes of this test,
BDSM play is defined here. Sex is defined as one or more of the
following: intercourse, oral sex, or anal sex. Digital sex doesn't count
- you have to draw the line somewhere.
http://www.lungfish.com/friday/bdsm_purity.html
================(())==================
ADMINISTRIVIA
ABOUT SADIE AND THE MISSION OF THIS NEWSLETTER
I'm Sensuous Sadie, editor and all around diva of this publication. I am
a BDSM columnist, as well as founder and leader (1999-2001) of Rose &
Thorn, Vermont's first BDSM group. I have begun to include more articles
and interviews that touch on the subject of spirituality and BDSM. I
hope to explore BDSM not as a conduit for toys and protocol, but as an
expression of our innermost selves, something which I call "erotica
mystica." If you have an interest in this, or are aware of resources
about this, I'd appreciate if you'll let me know.
My other goal is to be an information source, particularly for those who
are not actively involved in groups. My focus is not on announcing
parties or events, but to reflect the flavors of our lifestyle in
columns, poetry, and humor. I believe in education, but I believe in the
soul connection more. My vision for this newsletter is that it will
express the magic and mystery of BDSM.
You can reach me at BurlVTSub@aol.com or visit my website (and see a hot
photo of me) at www.sensuoussadie.com
NEW ENGLAND BDSM EVENT & ANNOUNCEMENT LIST
Check out the list anytime at my website: www.sensuoussadie.com
It includes:
BDSM Groups in Vermont, New Hampshire, Upstate New York, Massachusetts,
Maine, Connecticut, Montreal/Canada, and New England general
One Time BDSM Events
General BDSM Announcements and Invitations
VISIT THE EROTIC POWER EXCHANGE DOMINION READING ROOM FOR TORRID
STORIES, SEXY POETRY, SPICY HUMOR & SCANDALOUS QUOTES
PLUS free BDSM newsletters and columns from BDSM community leaders. EPE
Dominion is the generous host of my website as well as many other BDSM
groups.
www.epedominion.com/library
QUIT YER BITCHIN' - SEND LETTERS TO THE EDITOR!
Send them to me! I LOVE letters reaming me out for my views. I'll print
your comments in all their unedited glory and let the community
castigate you for your inability to write a complete sentence. I also
welcome thoughtful ramblings about whatever BDSM topic you fancy. Send
them to burlvtsub@aol.com
WANT TO BE OFF THE MAILING LIST?
No hard feelings! Just e-mail burlvtsub@aol.com
WANT TO BE **ON** THE MAILING LIST?
Are you getting this newsletter forwarded from someone else? E-mail
burlvtsub@aol.com and we'll put you on the mailing list. It's FREE!
PUBLISHING POLICY
Articles must be BDSM related
We run quarterly fiction issues. If you have fiction you want to submit
please send it to burlvtsub@aol.com
We must have copyright permission to reprint articles.
We will treat you with courtesy and respect and we expect the same. Do
not expect us to run your information if you are acting like a jerk.
We only run information on established BDSM groups that are in alignment
with our values. We do not list private play parties.
If you have a concern about the newsletter, please write us about it and
include suggestions for fixing the problem. Insults with no
corresponding suggestions will not be responded to. For example - one
reader accused the newsletter of being "CyberDomme." That may or may not
be true, as many of the writers are indeed women, but it did not suggest
any solutions (such as this male writer offering to write some
articles.)
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