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You know I'll always be your slave
Till I'm buried, buried in my grave
~ Sam Cooke, Bring It On Home To Me
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SCENEsubmissions
April 6, 2003
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IN THIS STEAMING ISSUE
New Photos of Sensuous Sadie!
Yaqi Interviews Sensuous Sadie
Submissive and Feminist - Contradiction or Consistency? - By Screamer
Website of the Week
ADMINISTRIVIA
This Newsletter Online with Photos: www.sensuoussadie.com/newsletter.htm
About Sadie and the Mission of this Newsletter
How to Subscribe to this Free Newsletter
Publishing Policy
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New Photos of Sensuous Sadie by David Southwick!
http://www.sensuoussadie.com/photographybydavidsouthwick.htm
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Yaqi Interviews Sensuous Sadie
Yaqi is Houston Press' "Best Fetishist 2002," a Filmmaker, and
Tickling Aficionado. This is the text of his recent interview with
Sensuous Sadie.
Yaqi:
I’ve always felt that our culture has a lot of fundamental problems with
how it approaches sex. I think it’s fortunate that we live in an age
where individuals have more avenues to explore their sexuality but
despite all that is out there, there is still an overwhelming fear that
a lot of people have about exposure and acceptance of their interests.
What are your thoughts on the mainstream acceptance of fantasy and
fetish exploration? Do you think it will always be segregated in its
various countercultures or do you see a day when mankind’s sexual
repression erodes sufficiently to insure a society where people are more
comfortable at taking risks?
Sadie:
Well, first of all in order to increase acceptance of women in your
vision there, I’d change that to "humankind." To answer your question, I
see a radical change happening at this very moment. The birth control
pill started a radical change in the history of sexuality, and since
then it has become increasingly more acceptable in every flavor. If you
look at the visibility and acceptance of the gay and lesbian community,
you can see our community following in those same footsteps. I compare
it to the stock market. Stocks go up and down every day, but if you look
at the trend over ten years, the movement is always upward. It is the
same for us, despite occasional and periodic backlashes.
This trend is also an example of Alvin Toffler’s theory of Accelerative
Thrust, which he wrote about in his book Future Shock. The idea
is that technology is not only happening faster, it’s happening faster
at an accelerated rate. So instead of an arithmetic growth, there is an
exponential rate of change. It’s pretty amazing that he wrote this in
1970, considering he could not have known of the technological
revolution to follow. You can see this same pattern in the rate of
change in attitudes about sexuality, and that’s a good thing for all of
us. I believe the internet also has a big part in this because of the
information explosion that went along with that. More information
translates to more freedom.
I believe that each of us must work toward that kind of acceptance if we
want to live without fear. (See my article on this: Think Globally,
Spank Locally). I realize that some of the thrill comes from doing
things generally considered verboten, but when secrets dominate your
existence you are by definition vulnerable to losing your job, losing
your children, and so on. It’s only by being proud and practical about
our lifestyle we can live freely.
Because I am still "in the closet" in some ways, a number of people have
asked me how I can get on the soapbox for coming out, and yet still keep
my identity private. Here’s my thinking on this. I live in Vermont,
which is sexually very conservative. In addition to that, it’s so
incredibly small that if you knew my real name, and you asked a few
people downtown, several of them, including Kevin Bacon possibly, would
know who I am.*
While I believe in what we are doing, I don’t believe it’s necessary for
everyone and their dog to know about my sexual orientation specifically.
That is private in the sense that it’s my business. This is different
than my writing, which is out there for anyone to read. My writing is my
creative outlet. My actual private sex life is my business. You’ll
notice that I very rarely write about actual scenes or things I do with
my lover in bed. I consider that intimate stuff and only write about it
in the context of a story, which of course has elements of fictionalized
reality. I do tell my friends and family, and am an activist in other
ways, ways which I choose. Coming out is a lot like feminism. The idea
is that feminism, or BDSMism gives us the choice to act as we choose.
There is no outstanding directive that we should either get a job
outside the home, or become a leather activist, marching in some parade.
It’s all about making a choice that best serves our individual and
collective goals.
This culturalized sexual anxiety also affects people on an individual
basis. That is, once they know this about me – they are unable to see me
as a whole person, just a neighbor. After this comes out, it’s always
Sadie – the kinky girl. I am kinky, but I am far more than that. I do
believe if I had a job where this didn’t matter, or if I lived in a
metropolitan area, or in a more liberal place, things might be
different. On the other hand, maybe I’m just fooling myself. It’s hard
to say. Truth will out.
Yaqi:
I think it is interesting that you consider yourself a Taoist. I think
that erotic exploration can be very Taoist but don’t you think that
bondage, domination, and submission are inherently in conflict with the
"natural flow of things" and the "balance" that Lao-Tse spoke about?
Sadie:
There’s a quote I like by Horatio on the television series CSI where he
said, "Some horses run better in a harness." What he was saying is that
structure and limits can create freedom, even though that might appear
paradoxical on the surface. I too am a free spirit, but I also run
better in a harness. When I am within the space of a quality Dominant, I
am more able to be myself and express myself fully. I can’t even begin
to explain this, but it is true. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of
every part of my life, and have been for many years, but having a
partner takes the edge off.
When I am in alignment with my own true self (this is the only place I
believe in Truth), then I am going with the natural flow of things. That
flow is not just exterior events and how we respond to them. That flow
is about what’s transforming inside of us, and how we engage with that.
I don’t think Lao-Tse would say that any particular practice, be it
baking cakes or getting the hooey flogged out of us, is in conflict or
is not in conflict with our inner path. I think he’d say that if our
inner path cries out to be flogged, then flogged we should be.
The natural flow of things is not the "Natural Flow of Things" as
determined Lao Tse, or really anyone. It’s the flow within myself as I
define it. I am the ultimate arbiter of my own spiritual exploration.
Yaqi:
How has your exploration of BDSM shaped you as a developing spiritual
entity? Obviously our characters are molded by the experiences that we
have and you have chosen a path that not everyone would travel with the
boldness that you have. How have your experiences with BDSM shaped and
influenced who you are today?
Sadie:
That’s an interesting question. I have always been the way I am now in
terms of my approach to life, my drive, my joie de vivre. BDSM didn’t
change that. What BDSM has done for me is given me a niche where my
voice can be heard. It just so happens that my writing has coincided
with a great need for material that addresses the emotional and
spiritual side of things. I’d even venture to say that our BDSM
community is on the crest of a great wave of spiritual engagement. I
think of it like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Once you have the basic
needs taken care of, like eating and food and shelter, you can move on
to the spiritual and emotional needs. We’ve spend the last twenty years
getting our basic needs for information and community in place. Now
we’re ready to take the next step and explore some deeper levels.
In the last few years, my activities in this area have more or less
taken over most of my free time. As a result, I am far more focused and
integrated in terms of the balance of my thoughts. I still have vanilla
interests, which keeps me from becoming one of those horribly dull BDSM
people who talk about toys all day, but the focus of my drive and
passion is now in one direction. This illustrates the spiritual idea
that through commitment, we become more fulfilled. On the superficial
level it often appears that by taking one path, we’re missing out on
others. Ultimately, it’s more important how deeply we explore our
passion, not that we tried every possible diversion on the planet.
That’s the big picture side of how BDSM has changed me. The other side
of that is whether the actual practice of it has changed me, and I don’t
think it really has. Relationships and sex are far more satisfying now
that I am getting what I need. But the actual practice itself is just
another expression of my spiritual (and my horndogly) self.
Yaqi:
As a fellow writer I’d like to know who has inspired you over the years
and I mean from both a technical and erotic standpoint. Obviously the
last century saw groundbreaking mainstream work, from Henry James to
D.H. Lawrence to John Fowles to William S. Burroughs, who reduced
erotica to a crude, almost primal instinct. Was their any author that
inspired or helped shape your writings and philosophies?
Sadie:
The funny thing is that I read very little non-fiction, and I hate to
admit it, but almost no classic authors. I read mostly to escape and non
fiction is too much work. (I got no culchuh) I prefer mysteries, mostly
by women authors. Mysteries offer a nice closed system, where there is a
problem, and it gets solved. When I read novels I often wonder when the
heck the plot is going to happen. I take that same approach in my
writing as well. I don’t assume that people will want to read my stuff
because I’m brilliant or whatever. I write a story that hooks the
reader, and give them closure at the end.
Before I began to actively research the BDSM scene, and the spiritual
aspect in particular, the only BDSM book I’d read is Screw the Roses,
Send me the Thorns, which really may be all anyone needs because it
is both informational and funny. Most of the kink books are practical as
in how to tie someone up, and that bores me to no end.
On the spiritual end, I have a few books in my bookcase, but not many. I
was brought up Unitarian Universalist, and one of the key tenets is that
each of us can experience God directly, without an intermediary such as
a priest. So most of my writing is about my own experiences in engaging
with my spiritual self.
Generally speaking I don’t read erotica, although I’m currently reading
Laura Antoniou’s book The Reunion. I’d have to say if I was going
to read erotica, I’d read hers. She gets it. Real characters, real
situations. Just enough hot scenes to make me wet, but no gratuitous
head jobs.
Here’s what’s on my bookshelf at the moment:
BDSM Books
Leatherfolk – Edited by Mark Thompson. A classic and has a
lot of spiritual stuff in it.
Bitch Goddess – Edited by Pat Califia. Another classic.
Slavecraft - by Guy Baldwin – Powerful stuff
Endless Knot: A Spiritual Odyssey Through Sado-Masochism - By
Mathew Styranka
Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns – Molly Devon
The Marketplace and The Reunion – Both by Laura Antoniou
Spirituality Books
Peace is Every Step – Thick Nhat Haan
The Tao of Leadership – John Heider
Listening – How to Increase Awareness of your Inner Guide – Coit
The Tao of Pooh – Benjamin Hoff
Flow, The Psychology of Optimal Experience - Mihaly
Csikszentmihalyi
Yaqi:
"Fetish," to me is an ugly stigmatism because it still insinuates
behavior that is "not quite normal," and I’ve always felt that people
who have fantasies but never act upon them, repressing them for whatever
reasons, ultimately do themselves a gross disservice. What advice would
you have for someone wanting to realize an erotic "fetish" but is
sufficiently kept in check by the repressive nature of morality?
Sadie:
I’m a terrible person to ask questions like this because I was brought
up in a sexually radical household. (For more on that read my article
Born a Hoochie Mama) Unfortunately I tend to be impatient with
people and their fears. Having not experienced those fears, it’s very
difficult for me to empathize. What I usually do is send them to someone
who can relate.
I’ve never been someone who believes in changing society from the
outside. IE I don’t think marching on Washington generally does a jot of
good. I believe in changing things from the inside, and so I see my
writing as a way to reach out to people and help them feel valid in what
they are doing. It’s a kind of micro engineering where by changing your
insides, you end up changing your outsides, and by extension the world.
It’s all about doing the inner work, and when that’s in ship shape, it
turns out the outside stuff is too, regardless of your particular
circumstances. Practically speaking, bad things happen to all of us. But
because I’ve got God, I can handle them with far more aplomb.
For example, a few years back I became unemployed. A friend of mine was
extremely worried about me, but I told her it was fine, that God would
take care of me. Of course she thought I was deluding myself and was
very worried about me. A few years later, I’m fully employed and got
through the unemployment period with no serious damage. Now once again,
the specter of unemployment has come around again because of federal
funding issues. I reminded my friend that I was taken care of last time,
and that I hoped she could see that, and so I didn’t have to fear this
time either. To me, this process showed that I can depend on the
universe. To her, it showed that I’m in a state of continual delusion.
The bottom line to me is not whether or not she believes in God, but
that my life is better because I do. If I’m deluding myself, I can live
with that. Neither one of us will really ever know until we hit the
pearly gates… or we don’t.
Yaqi:
Recently I’ve been noticing an almost schizophrenic attitude in the
Internet tickling community that seems to stem from inner conflict. For
example, an individual recently expressed an interest in seeing real,
non consensual tickle torture. And a whole lot of folks really jumped on
him, saying that is was wrong, not politically correct, how dare he
propose this and all sorts of other rubbish, and the discussion thread
took on a very judgmental demure. Yet these people who objected to it
are the same people who write, read and fantasize about non consensual
tickling situations. In fact, one of the driving forces of most tickling
fiction, especially stories about celebrities, are the non consensual
aspects. So, I’m seeing a real duality in the tickling community, a sort
of internal juggling between wicked fantasy and a desire to be morally
corrected. Granted, most of the "vocal" components of the community are
not necessarily amongst the most intelligent, but the conflict seems
valid enough. What is your take on this, as undoubtedly you must
encounter it in your circles? Is there a dividing line between BDSM and
morality or is a healthier symbiosis possible?
Sadie:
You could substitute whipping or rape or bondage in there for tickling.
It’s common for people to fantasize about it being "non-consensual" for
several reasons. The main one is that it gives people an "out," – i.e.
"I couldn’t help myself, they made me." In real life, no one enjoys
being raped or tied up and kidnapped – it’s darn scary. But since most
of us haven’t experienced those things in real life, we don’t know about
the emotional impact of real violence. Rape and kidnapping victims
probably do not fantasize about being raped or kidnapped. It is
understandable that people jumped on the person who wanted to see
non-consensual play because if we say non-consensual play is okay, then
it opens the door for abuse.
In my writer’s group we’ve discussed this at length. I had an issue with
stories that didn’t include safe sex, i.e. condoms. My fellow writers
helped me understand that writing, reading, or fantasizing about
something is a different thing than actually doing it. I still believe
that even stories should encourage safe play, but it’s also okay for
them to be just fantasies.
All play must be consensual, but that’s only real time play; it has
nothing to do with fantasy. It’s incredibly unfortunate that people feel
that they can judge others, especially when we are all fighting for
acceptance in the larger vanilla community. If I have a problem with
anything, it’s with people who go off on others, and this is in no small
part because people go off on me periodically. Unfortunately this is
very common in our community. I believe it comes out of insecurity and
fear. If you are grounded emotionally and spiritually, there is no need
to criticize anyone else for what they do, especially publicly. The only
time when I speak out is when someone is actually being hurt.
Yaqi:
What has been your experiences with tickling? Do you encounter it much?
You’ve already fessed up to being ticklish. Would you ever consider
submitting to a mind blowing bondage and tickle torture session
administered by, say… me?
Sadie:
When I was growing up my dad taught me to be unticklish, which I suppose
made me less vulnerable to my sister and brother. Generally I like it
some, as long as people don’t poke me. I recently got a pair of vampire
gloves which make me scream and giggle with delight. It’s a lot like
tickling, with some pain mixed in.
I have never been "done" by an expert such as yourself, so the answer is
a resounding Yes! Consider this a formal invitation to visit Vermont’s
beautiful Green Mountains. I’ll even gift you with some maple syrup –
yummy!
Yaqi:
It’s been my experience that "tickling" is often snubbed by BDSM
communities as something too tame. Ruthless tickling can be exquisite
torture of the most diabolical sorts. How do you see tickling?
I suppose that snubbing has to do with tickling being connected with
childhood which gives it that childish aspect, not to mention a shadowy
specter of sexual abuse of children. There’s also this idiotic
underlying idea that the Submissive who takes the most pain wins. So fun
things like tickling and spanking can be laughed off as not serious
BDSM. It’s just another example of insecure fools thinking they are
LeatherGod. I guess some of it is just human nature, but it’s extremely
annoying to say the least, not to mention in conflict with a healthy
cohesive community.
I think all of that is silly. If tickling turns you on, more power to
you! As for my personal experience, well I guess I’ll be better able to
address that after you give me your best. J
Yaqi:
Is there anything else you’d like to add?
Sadie:
Yaqi – you sure got some brainolas in your cupola there! Of course I’ve
done that interview with myself, which is a compilation of questions
people ask me. But you were right in noting that it has a certain
leaning to it which of course happened by virtue of the fact that I
edited it. It’s a pleasure working with someone who asks intelligent
questions and is genuinely engaged in the more complex aspects of our
culture. Thank you for interviewing me!
In closing, (climbing up on my soapbox) I say: "Tickle Power!"
Reference: The Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon
About Yaqi
Houston Press' "Best Fetishist 2002," Filmmaker,
and Tickling Aficionado
yaqi1@yahoo.com
http://www.yaqisworld.com
Copyright 2003
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Submissive and Feminist - Contradiction or Consistency?
By Screamer
screamer_girl@hotmail.com
http://www.thescreamergirl.com
Screamer writes erotica under the pen name Kanthra Adair. Her new book
Screaming Inside is available for $12.50 from Amazon.com:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1893006387/thescreamergi-20/104-5857078-5020762
~~~~
The following letter was written to Patricia Ireland, president of the
National Organization for Women in 1996. It took three submissions
of the letter, and a threat to not renew my membership to get a response
to the following dissertation, about how NOW has continually
contradicted itself, and it’s views of a "pure feminism" to come out
against S&M a number of times.
~~~~~
Dear Patricia, and Esteemed Board Members,
Imagine my surprise.
I’ve been a feminist for as long as I can remember, going so far as to
work with NOW, and an abortion clinic in trying to get a new
reproductive health facility in the Quad Cities, where I used to live
that would perform abortions for local and rural women. I carried
the presidency of our local chapter of NOW for awhile, and felt myself
completely and utterly devoted to the feminist cause.
And now, after careful scrutinization, I find that my own sexual
lifestyle has been called into question. That, after all of the
belief, and work, and time and energy I devoted to the feminist cause,
believing in it wholeheartedly, I discover that, while it’s fine for a
woman to love another woman, it’s not fine for my own boyfriend to tie
me up and spank me if it’s what we both want and enjoy.
I am a female submissive.
I’m not entirely sure why NOW chooses to believe that consensual, loving
SM goes against the grain of what the feminist regime believes.
Being a member of that regime for many years, and still considering
myself a feminist, I learned a great deal about what I call the
‘feminist philosophy’. The way I learned it, and understood it,
was simply this: A woman has as much right to her own sexual
identity, professional identity and spiritual identity as any man has.
What ever we choose to believe in, as an independent, sure, strong
woman, was what we brought to the table as a feminist, and what we
shared with our sisters in the struggle for equal rights, and freedom
over our own bodies. The freedom to carry or abort a pregnancy.
The freedom to lay down with another woman. The freedom to have
access to birth control - to construction jobs - to political office.
The freedom to choose what we felt in our hearts was right for us.
You will stand up and fight for the right of a woman to have an
abortion. But you won’t stand up and acknowledge that a woman can
do as she pleases behind her own bedroom doors? The way that I see
it, as long as the activity is consensual - as long as the parties
behind those doors are adults and mature enough to decide for
themselves what makes them orgasm and what makes them feel spiritually
whole, that particular woman is simply acting upon what makes her feel
like a complete and total woman, and is, indeed exercising her feminism
in the highest regard.
I have seen the arguments against female submissions. How the act
itself sets us back 40 years, and detracts from all the work the
so-called ‘true feminists’ have attained. How it promotes male
violence against women. How the so-called ‘trade’ magazines depict
women in a less-than-human light. How the desire for such
activities surely declares that we, as woman, have been trained to want
these things.
Bull.
I’m doing what my nature, my female spirit, tells me to do. I’m
not acting as my mother, and my grandmother did, out of a sense of
obligation, out of a sense of not having any other options,
out of a sense of it being my only place in this world. I am
submissive to only specific, well chosen people. I choose who I
submit to, as wholly as you choose who you sleep with. I am a
dominant creature in my career, in my family, in my feminist work.
But when I get home at night, I choose to submit. Is this going
against everything I’ve been taught? Does this make me any less of
a feminist? Does it detract from my pro-choice work, my
gay/lesbian work, my equal rights work? Does it take away from my
woman-of-the-nineties persona?
No.
But you say that it does.
You, in the position of power of the feminist movement. You, who
are our leaders, our teachers, our mentors. You, who
preach the role of feminism in this society. Yet, you leave out,
or admonish those of us who enjoy the freedom to give up that freedom.
Where is the social justice in that? Where is the commonality?
The equilibrium? The fairness? It is strangely missing, and
it’s absence not only weakens our position as the ‘people of choice’, it
lessens our capability to get our points across in a sane and articulate
manner.
Am I any less a feminist because I enjoy being tied to a bed?
Are you any less a woman if you choose to love another woman?
Are you any less a mother if you choose to abort a pregnancy after
carrying six?
Are you any less a woman of color if one of your parents are white?
All four questions can be answered with a resounding ‘NO !!!’, however,
you choose to toss those of us who revel in our sexual submission out of
your ranks because you simply don’t agree with our practices?
Isn’t that a contradiction of what feminism is all about?
I say, "Yes, it is."
Most Sincerely,
(signature removed)
--------
The response I finally received was very unsatisfactory. The short
letter, from Patricia herself, stated that NOW did not have a policy on
SM.
From the letter: "NOW Does not have any policy condemning SM. We
are concerned with a woman’s consent and having control over her own
body."
I discovered the quite contrary.
In "Delineation of Lesbian Rights issues 1980", a NOW resolution states
first that:
"NOW does not support the inclusion of pederasty, pornography,
sadomasochism and public sex as lesbian rights issues, since to do so
would violate the feminist principles upon which this organization was
founded."
And then, in a separate resolution of the same year:
"A third non-feminist, non-lesbian rights issue is sadomasochism.
Although sadomasochism is practiced among a small percentage of the
overall population, it has been grossly misrepresented as an integral
part of gay lifestyles. The attempt to identify sadomasochism as a
lesbian and gay rights issue serves primarily to confuse issues and to
thwart the drive for lesbian and gay rights.
Sadomasochists seek to legitimize and provide a premeditated structure
for violence. NOW opposes any repressive legislation concerning private
consensual sexual activity between adults. Nevertheless, NOW opposes
institutionalized violence as well as social structures which encourage
or advocate the use of physical and psychological violence or domination
among individuals. This opposition to violence precludes support or
advocacy of sadomasochism as a feminist issue."
There is a large movement on the Internet now which seeks to change
NOW’s stand on consensual SM. There is a web page, dedicated
solely to this cause at
http://members.aol.com/NOWSM/Home.html
If this issue insults your common sense and intelligence as it did mine,
please feel free to visit the web page and voice your support.
I did not renew my membership in NOW. SM was a big part of the
reason, however, it wasn’t the only reason. The inconsistencies
and the bigotry I found, as a result of my SM research within NOW turned
me off to the whole thing. I still consider myself a feminist, but
I’ve decided that I don’t need the backing of anyone to be able to say
that to the world - without fear, without contradiction, without guilt.
I just am.
Copyright 1997, "Screamer"
All Rights Reserved
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Website of the Week
DomSubInfo
http://www.domsub.info/main.html
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ADMINISTRIVIA
ABOUT SADIE AND THE MISSION OF THIS NEWSLETTER
I'm Sensuous Sadie, editor and all around diva of this publication. I am
a BDSM columnist, as well as founder and leader (1999-2001) of Rose &
Thorn, Vermont's first BDSM group. SCENEsubmissions is a venue for
information on BDSM and spirituality, exploring BDSM not as a conduit
for toys and protocol, but as an erotica mystica. You can also find more
information about these topics on my website in the BDSM & Spirituality
section.
You can reach me at SensuousSadie@aol.com or visit my website (and see a
hot photo of me) at www.sensuoussadie.com
BDSM WRITERS GROUP
I moderate a Yahoo group for BDSM Writers of fiction, non-fiction, and
poetry. Our goal is to share input and feedback on ongoing writing
projects. You do not need to be published, but we want people who will
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BDSMwriters-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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corresponding suggestions will not be responded to. For example - one
reader accused the newsletter of being "cyberdomme." That may or may not
be true, as many of the writers are indeed women, but it did not suggest
any solutions (such as this male writer offering to write some
articles.)
Copyright 2003 Sadie Sez Publications
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