The SCENESubmissions 2003 Archives

It hurt at first. But then it got better. Just like they told her it would.

Melinda had never considered allowing anyone to tie her up. The idea of handing her body over to another person – of relinquishing her control and her womanhood to people she barely knew had no place on her list of Things To Do Before I Die. Of course there were a lot of things Melinda would never have considered doing before the night she went to the annual company Christmas party, unescorted and conspicuously alone.

The event started off like all the Christmas parties that had gone before, with nearly everyone in attendance parading their dates before their colleagues, their overly loud laughter and too-bright smiles making Melinda feel more out of the social fray than usual. Not fond of large gatherings, she immediately regretted her mistake in not having coerced her gay friend Joel into coming along with her. He was always a handy escort when she found herself in a pinch, particularly since he knew just when to fade into the background. But tonight Melinda didn’t want to be bogged down with a date, bogus or otherwise. She wanted to be available, just in case. She’d even brought along her credit card to splurge on a room in the swanky hotel where the party was being held. Why, she could see the misty green landscape of Hyde Park from the window already!

As it happened, the only view of Hyde Park Melinda ended up being treated to on this wet December evening was the one from the hotel lobby. Evidently the creative head of corporate advertising had far more interesting things to do with his Saturday night than spend it with the office gadabouts, unlike Melinda, who really didn’t have anything else to do on this rainy Saturday night. It was either the company Christmas party or cuddling up with the cat to watch yet another television documentary featuring a rhapsodic David Attenborough narrative on the sex lives of creepy-crawly things that live under rocks. At the moment Melinda was more concerned about her own sex life, which had definitely hit the skids.

This recent downward sexual spiral had gained some unwanted momentum thanks to Melinda’s involvement with a man from her gym. In retrospect, she probably should have realized that anyone with that many muscles spent most of his time lifting weights and none on building up a career. Therefore it didn’t take long for Melinda to decide she could easily forfeit all that hard defined male flesh in return for a steady bed partner with a steady salary and something to talk about beside abs and pecs. For after only a couple of steamy sessions, Blake and his weightlifting paraphernalia had virtually moved into her tiny flat. Granted, they were pretty good steamy sessions as steamy sessions tend to go, though certainly by no means fulfilling enough to warrant her financial support of the man – not even if his tongue claimed the distinction of being as muscular and rippling as the rest of him! Whether at her most exhausted or sexually apathetic, one dose of Blake’s hard-working tongue between her thighs would be enough to make Melinda forget the pile of paperwork waiting for her at the office. It was only too bad the rest of Blake wasn’t quite as industrious as his tongue.

As she stood by the bar sipping spicy Christmas punch from a plastic cup and nodding the occasional hello to a familiar face, Melinda’s glittery evening bag burned an embarrassing reminder against her hip. The unused VISA card that had been placed inside it with such careful premeditation before she left home for the party now made her feel like a fool. At the time it had seemed like a terribly sophisticated thing to do. But as her meticulously made-up eyes swept across the crowd of revelers searching for the one face she most wanted to see, Melinda realized that the expensive French perfume lavished behind her ears and on the insides of her thighs had been wasted, along with the outrageous sum of money that had gone toward the purchase of her new black dress, which had looked so-o-o sexy when she’d tried it on in the shop. So profound was her disappointment on what should have been a festive occasion that she considered leaving. However, all this changed when her crestfallen gaze met that of a dark-featured young man who looked as out of place as she felt.

Perhaps it was the expression of contemplative amusement in his smoky Eastern eyes that set him so apart from the others in the noisy hotel banquet room. This and the fact that he appeared to be the only male in attendance not drinking himself into a state of obnoxiousness or risking his teeth on the dried-out chicken wings, made his presence all the more noticeable. Or at least it did to Melinda, who found his aloofness strangely appealing. This was not a man who needed to call attention to himself. And neither, for that matter, was his fair-skinned female companion. For he stood in a gaudily decorated corner elbow-to-elbow and thigh-to-thigh with the most stunning woman Melinda had ever seen: an ephemeral white-blonde with eyes as amber as a cat’s and the stealthy mouse-bating movements to go along with them. How was Melinda to know that she would be that mouse?


~~~

Copyright 2003

This article is reprinted here with the explicit permission of the author. If you would like to share it with others, please link directly to this page or contact the author for permission. It is a violation of copyright law to distribute or reprint this piece without that permission, however you may include a short quote from it, not more than 20% of the total text. Please respect the integrity of this work.

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Soul of a Second Skin: Spirituality, Christianity and the Leather Community
By Hardy Haberman
BlkLthrJkt@aol.com
http://www.whosoever.org/v4i1/leather.html

"When I get flogged, I go into a trance state. That’s the only thing I know to call it. Outside stimuli are simply not present."

A newcomer looks intently at the heavyset man speaking from the corner.

Another voice breaks in, "It’s like locking onto radar for me. I go on auto pilot and just let the Top take me away. Or at least until his arm gives out."

The room breaks into laughter, and I glance at my watch. 9:15pm. We’re running over, and they like the building cleared by nine, so I take the hands of my lover to my right and the newcomer to my left.

"I hate to end this so soon, but some of us are going out for coffee afterward, If anyone wants to join us we can continue for a while there. Let’s close in the usual manner."

Before I close my eyes, I see a circle of 16 men, most dressed in leather or uniforms, grasp hands. Some bow their heads while others like myself turn out faces upward.

After a few words of prayer, 16 strong voices join in a resonating " In Jesus name, Amen".

What’s wrong with this picture? Absolutely nothing, and that’s what this is all about.

For a long time, I had compartmentalized my life neatly. There was a box for business, a box for love, a box for sex, a box for family and a box for my spirituality. There is a problem inherent in living in boxes: sometimes things don’t fit.

It was that box that held my Leather-sexuality that I was having trouble with. Through the leather community, I had met some of the most caring, open, honest and passionate people I had ever known. They quickly became part of my family -- people so close I could share my troubles and my triumphs. I had further trouble when I began really getting into heavy scenes. The experiences I had were beyond sex, they were almost transcendent, otherworldly encounters. At times I felt a presence larger than that of my partner and me. Sometimes when a scene was really working, I felt connected to existence as a whole.

These experiences tipped over all my boxes and scattered the elements of my life everywhere. I would never again be able to compartmentalize things the same way. It was through these experiences as well as a lot of time spent in 12 step programs that I began picking up my things and putting them in the box called "me".

"How can you be a Christian and be gay?"

It’s a question I hear a lot, and mainly from my friends in the gay and lesbian community. They identify Christianity with the Bible thumping televangelists who fill the airwaves with their gay bashing rhetoric. To many of them, bigotry wrapped in the pages of the Bible was the wedge that drove them from their families and faith. To them, the very idea that there could be gay Christians requires a big paradigm shift.

I keep my answer simple. I have decided to follow Jesus, and He asks of that I tend his sheep, love my fellows, and live an abundant life. Most questions stop there. Satisfied that I am serious, most of my friends will accept my answer and move on to another topic. In a few cases they follow up with another question.

"But how can you be a Christian and be into leather?"

My answer to that is far more complex. It’s that part about leading an "abundant life". To me that means embracing all the aspects of my being and living my life with joy. If I do not do this I find myself back in those boxes again, and a person broken into pieces and stuffed away can’t find much joy.

"What does leather have to do with spirituality?"

I truly believe that there are many of us who are "differently pleasured". We have been given a gift that allows us to experience a wider variety of sensations as enjoyable. As Leatherfolk, we find our lives and our loves outside the ordinary realm of experience. We bring our unique and sometimes unsettling perspective to pain, pleasure, life and love.

For most of the world, domination is a sign of anger and suppression, yet in the context of a leather scene it can be an act of caring and affection. As children we were taught that submission is a sign of weakness, yet in our realm submission becomes a voluntary surrender of power and an act worthy of respect. To some, bondage is a cruel affliction to be fought against. In our community, it can be an experience of soaring freedom and release. Acts of discipline can be punishment, a source of fear and trauma, but when it is part of a "scene" it can be a framework of protocol for our play. We take pain, ordinarily something to be avoided at all cost and embrace it, transforming it into pleasure.

Even the toys we play with are subject to context. The leather whip and cat-of-nine-tails, an instrument known even in the days of Jesus, can be a weapon of punishment and torture. To us, it is often an integral part of our sensuality and sexuality.

This is a lot to swallow for people not familiar with the leather community or our practices. Our leather may seem to be a sign of aberration, a politically incorrect kink that doesn’t belong. To us Christian Leatherfolk, it is a God given gift, which we use in living our lives abundantly.

I am reminded of the fact that to the disciples, the cross was a cursed tree where Jesus was nailed and left to die. Today, we Christians see that instrument of death as a symbol of eternal life. It is all a matter of perspective.

Through my association with the leather community, I have found an inner peace that brought me to the foot of that cross. Now, as a disciple of Christ, I find myself helping others reconcile their faith with their lives. It has been an incredible experience that has transformed me and many people I know.

In the leather world we talk of a "power exchange", that give-and-take of power and sensation during a scene. In my faith, I have found an even greater power exchange, and as far as I can tell, it works much the same way. The more I give myself to God, the greater I feel God’s power in and around me.

"Can I be into leather and still be a Christian?"

The real answer is far too complex and yet too simple to express. Only my actions can answer that question.

~~~

Copyright 2003
This article is reprinted here with the explicit permission of the author. If you would like to share it with others, please link directly to this page or contact the author for permission. It is a violation of copyright law to distribute or reprint this piece without that permission, however you may include a short quote from it, not more than 20% of the total text. Please respect the integrity of this work.

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Mini SCENEprofiles Interview with Hardy Haberman
BlkLthrJkt@aol.com

SENSUOUS SADIE: When were you first aware of having a higher power in your life?

HARDY: "I guess the first time I really took my Higher Power to heart was when I first began attending a 12-step group. I had pretty much reached the end of my rope as far as self reliance and was really ready to let go and foillow a power greater than myself."

Sadie: Was this related to or independent from your religious upbringing (or lack of it)? In what ways?

Hardy: "I was raised in a Jewish/Christian household, though essentially Jewish upbringing. I attended a reform Temple and even made it to my Bar Mitzvah. I had an inkling of what God was and a little understanding of spirituality. The best thing I got from that experience was exposure to a really great theologian and Rabbi. He was a real firebrand for social justice and civil rights. At that time, the Jewish community was very much behind the Civil Rights movement of the 50’s and 60’s."

Sadie: When did you first start exploring the connection between BDSM & spirituality? Was there a particular experience or moment that set you on this path?

Hardy: "I had some idea that my SM play connected me to something greater than just the person I was playing with. The good scenes trancended anything I had known until then, but I didn’t connect it with my spirituality at first. I suppose I was still trying to separate my sexuality from my spirituality. That changed once I found a group of leathermen who were active in the Metropolitan Community Church. They embraced their sexuality as a part of their spirit and spirituality. It made quite an impression on me."

Sadie: How would you describe the spiritual/BDSM space that you go into?

Hardy: "That’s a hard one. It really is beyond description. As a Top, I find myself connecting with my bottom so closely that I know what he or she is feeling. And yet I am separate from them as well. It is almost euphoria, but still grounded in reality. When a scene is really working, me and my bottom are apart from anyone else in the dungeon. We are in a bubble, visible to others but not really aware of them."

Sadie: What spiritual or BDSM practices help take you there? For example: yoga, meditation, Kundalini, Tantra etc.

Hardy: "For me, the physical SM acts are the door to that special place. They kindle the fire. The contact, the power exchange, that’s what makes it happen. I meditate, but not as part of a scene, that is for me alone."

Sadie: What practical things would you suggest for someone who wants to explore the BDSM/spirituality connection? For example some people use ritual or pain as a ‘door of perception.’

Hardy: "I love ritual. It provides a framework to hang the whole experience on. However, I don’t have any specific ritual I perform. I approach each scene as a ritual unto itself. Each one different and unique, otherwise I would begin to fall into too much of a pattern."

Sadie: How have these experiences affected your life?

Hardy: "All of this has helped solidify my wholeness. By embracing the entirety of my life, I get a tremendous benefit. I live more fully and have discarded most of my masks. I have begun living more in the present, as well."

Sadie: How has your spiritual practice informed your BDSM practice? And vice versa?

Hardy: "My growth spiritually has enhanced all aspects of my life. My BDSM only gets better, as I learn to open myself to the power and experiences that take place during a scene. I find the connection between me, my bottom and the whole universe really becomes palpable now."

Sadie: How do you identify partners who have a similar orientation?

Hardy: "I guess I am attracted to players who exhibit an understanding of the deeper levels of BDSM. I like to know someone for a while before playing with them. That way I know if we are going to really mesh in our play. My life partner and boy is a perfect example. After seven years, we have become best friends, lovers, confidants and councilors. Our bond makes our play, no matter what level it is, deeper and more meaningful."

Sadie: Do you also consider your writing to be a spiritual expression?

Hardy: "I have been writing for many years. Writing is simultaneously one of the most painful and pleasurable activities I can do. So, I guess that combination of pain and pleasure makes it sort of like SM play. It hurts, but not permanently, and afterword the adrenaline rush is amazing!"

~~~

Copyright 2003 Sadie Sez Publications


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Acceptance
By Thomas
VoicesInTheDrk@aol.com
More of his writing is available on:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=106184

Your gaze burns hot,
unrelenting;
blistering my soul as if lost...
lost in need...
lost in a lake of flame...
Yet;
you find me.
Time
and time again...
You find me.
Knowing;
exactly where I am...
my state of mind...
my unfocused focus
seeing only You;
knowing only You...
existing
only in our moment.
It was You
who told me of the Zen saying...
"One breath,
one lifetime...
its all the same to eternity."
This is how I feel;
kneeling
waiting
breathless...
for Your touch...
for Your acceptance of my offering...
of myself
in entirety.
I am that breath;
that lifetime...
held in the timelessness of Your gaze.
I await
patiently poised;
balanced beyond belief...
I
can
only be,
yours.


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Upcoming Live Interviews with BDSM Personalities on Dominate Radio

Thursday July 3^rd 8:30 PM Eastern Time - Knight, bondage photographer, (http://www.davidknightbondage.com/)
Thursday July 17^th 8:30 PM Eastern Time - Shannon, bondage model from (http://SinIsHer.com)

The Sensuous Sadie interview is archived here if you missed it: (best for broadband download only)
http://mistresswebdesign.com/interview_archive.html

Visit Dominate Radio, the only Live BDSM Internet Radio Station at:
http://www.dominateradio.com/

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Call for Submissions

Do you want to have your BDSM writing published? I am looking for new material in several areas for various publications which I either edit or am a contributing editor. They are:

SCENEsubmissions Weekly Newsletter & My Website as Guest Author
Looking for BDSM & Spirituality oriented Poetry or NON-Fiction under 1000 words
www.sensuoussadie.com/newsletter.htm

Erotic Power Exchange Dominion Reading Room
Looking for general BDSM poetry & fiction under 1000 words
http://www.epedominion.com/Library/Default.htm

BDSM News
Looking for general BDSM NON-fiction articles under 1000 words
http://www.bdsmnews.info/

What you get:
Photo, Bio, e-mail and website link included. There is no payment, but you get lots of glory and you get to say you were published in a BDSM publication. My website gets over 400 visitors a day, which is an incredible opportunity to have your work read.

What to send:
Please send your writing in the e-mail or as an attachment to SensuousSadie@aol.com . If your writing is accepted, I’ll send you a form for reprint permission. You will still be able to use your writing in other venues as I don’t require exclusive reprinting rights.

Feel free to forward or repost this announcement.

Thank you!

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Website of the Week

Gloria G. Brame’s Website, Author, Counselor & Sex Expert
http://gloria-brame.com/


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ADMINISTRIVIA

ABOUT SADIE AND THE MISSION OF THIS NEWSLETTER
I’m Sensuous Sadie, editor and all around diva of this publication. I’m the author of : It’s Not About the Whip: Love, Sex, and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene ( http://www.trafford.com/robots/03-0551.html ) as well as founder and leader (1999-2001) of Rose & Thorn, Vermont’s first BDSM group. SCENEsubmissions is a venue for information on BDSM and spirituality, exploring BDSM not as a conduit for toys and protocol, but as an erotica mystica. You can also find more information about these topics on my website in the BDSM & Spirituality section. You can reach me at SensuousSadie@aol.com or visit my website (and see a hot photo of me) at www.sensuoussadie.com . If you would like to reprint this newsletter on a weekly basis, please drop me a line.

SUBSCRIBE DIRECTLY TO SCENEsubmissions NEWSLETTER. IT’S FREE.
Are you getting this newsletter forwarded from someone else? Receive a fresh hot copy every Sunday delivered to your e-mail box. To subscribe, send an e-mail to:
SCENEsubmissions-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

PUBLISHING POLICY
This newsletter follows standard copyrighting practice regarding all articles and poetry which are reprinted with explicit permission of the authors. ‘Fair use’ guidelines are followed regarding quotes. The Fair Use doctrine of the U.S. copyright statute states it is permissible to use limited portions of a work including quotes, for purposes such as commentary, criticism, news reporting, and scholarly reports and that "In determining whether the use made of a work in any particular case is a fair use the factors to be considered shall include... the amount and substantiality of the portion used in relation to the copyrighted work as a whole." This is normally interpreted in legal cases to include 20% or less of a complete work.

Copyright 2003 Sadie Sez Publications