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We play on a submissive body much in the same way a
violinist plays a violin in order to give it depth and pliability. The
difference between music and S/m, which makes so much of what we do so
intense, is that music exists for a mass audience, while we create music
for an audience of one.
~ Rick Umbaugh
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SCENEsubmissions
July 13th, 2003
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IN THIS STEAMING ISSUE
Humiliation of the Mind and Body - By niki Aracos
Survey: The Role of Humiliation in BDSM – Conducted By niki Aracos
To Boldly Go - By Daddy Bob Allen
Against the Night – Poem By Thomas
Upcoming Live Interviews with BDSM Personalities on Dominate Radio
Website of the Week
ADMINISTRIVIA
This Newsletter Online with Photos: www.sensuoussadie.com/newsletter.htm
About Sadie and the Mission of this Newsletter
How to Subscribe to this Free Newsletter
Publishing Policy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/\\//\\//\\/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Humiliation of the Mind and Body
By niki Aracos
aracos@sover.net
Niki, who has published two chapbooks of poetry and is working on a
third, also dabbles in fiction and essays. He is a long-time student of
the human mind, and continues to study the use of creativity as a
healing process.
First, a few quotes: −
From Sensuous Sadie’s Column A Dominant’s Ethics and Some Messy
Emotional Areas of the Human Psyche
"In contrast (to the physical), emotional pain and trauma go far
deeper. Unlike the body, which easily gives up its secrets, it’s harder
to know when there is emotional trauma hidden under the surface. Because
of the difficulty in knowing about a Submissive’s emotional situation, I
draw the line at humiliating them. . . I don’t do humiliation play
because I think the world tears us down enough. . . Unfortunately,
because so much of submitting is about allowing access (to a) highly
delicate emotional place, it is not at all difficult for Dominants to
accidentally cross that line. My hope here is that both Dominants and
Submissives will become more aware of this delicate area and so be
better able to make healthy decisions when they face complex situations
in their relationship."
Rebecca Brook, author & moderator of Leatherchurch writes
"Not all experiences with subspace (or top space, for that
matter) are positive: the energy can be dark and scary, too. Twice I’ve
bottomed during scenes that triggered strong negative feelings in me −
not because my tops were uncaring or incompetent, but because we’d
stumbled on psychological hot spots neither of us realized I had.
". . . This is why I *don’t* do humiliation play. . ."
As I have continued my exploration into Dominance and submission − a
journey I embarked on with others only a few short years ago, but which
I have been exploring in solitary since before I was old enough to know
the meanings of the words − I have encountered certain positions that
are troubling to me. Subtly or otherwise, the suggestion seems to arise
again and again that the urge to be whipped or otherwise experience
physical pain is healthy, but those who seek to experience emotional
pain (i.e., humiliation) are unhealthy. Both Rebecca and Sadie, who I
have quoted above, are far too enlightened to make any such a
black-and-white judgment of others. Yet Rebecca makes it clear that, for
her at least, this is a hard limit. Sadie seems to go a step further,
not only stating that it’s a hard limit for her, but suggesting that
others should look at it very carefully, as well.
I don’t quibble with that suggestion − In fact, I don’t think there’s
anything in BDSM that shouldn’t be looked at very carefully. I think
everything in BDSM carries with it the potential to be pathological, if
it’s not looked at with a clear and conscious mind (in fact, I guess I
might say that about everything in life). What I do quibble with is the
notion that playing with the body is somehow "safe," but playing with
the emotions is not.
The premise assumes, as a starting point, the Cartesian belief that body
and mind are completely separate entities. Body/mind psychology, in
recent decades, has essentially debunked this premise. In Body of
Knowledge: An introduction to Body/Mind Psychology, psychologist
Robert Marrone tells of an incident that opened his eyes to the
inseparability of emotional and physical experience*:
"In 1977, I was invited to teach a course in States of Consciousness
at Naropa Institute, a Buddhist university in Boulder, Colorado. On my
way to class one morning, I was drawn to sounds coming from a nearby
classroom. As I peeked in, I saw the instructor demonstrating an
approach to psychotherapy which involved both the body and the mind. I
watched as he applied deep pressure to the chest muscles of his student
volunteer. As he pressed more deeply, the student’s hand folded into
fists, his jaw tightened, and he began to pound the massage table,
screaming ‘no, never, no,’ over and over again.
"The instructor asked, ‘Who are you speaking to now?’
"The student yelled angrily, ‘My goddamn father!’
"Maintaining pressure on the pectoralis muscles with his thumbs, the
instructor replied, ‘tell him everything you want to tell him now.’"
"The young man began to pound the table with renewed force, saying, ‘Why
did you do this to me? Why couldn’t you just love me or hold me? Why did
you beat me, and mom? Why couldn’t you just love us, why?’ At this
point, the student’s body softened, and he began to weep uncontrollably.
The instructor pulled the young man’s arms so that he assumed a
partially sitting position, placed his arms around him, pulled him
tightly to his chest and began rocking him gently, back and forth, while
the tears streamed down the student’s face. I stood motionless, struck
with awe at what I was witnessing."
Whole books could be − have been − written on this subject, but to
reduce the idea to the simplest possible terms: Every cell in the body,
not just the brain, is involved in our memory process. This can include
both memories of specific experiences (often of trauma) such as the ones
described in Marrone’s account, above, and can involve floods of
unresolved emotions that our conscious mind cannot express in the
context of specific events. Any work with the body − including,
certainly, the intentional application of pain − can trigger memories or
emotions that have become associated with that part of the body.
I myself have not only witnessed but have personally experienced similar
incredibly powerful cathartic moments during the bodywork that
accompanies Holotropic Breathwork. By locating a spot in the body that
is calling for attention, and applying pressure − sometimes with an
elbow or even a single thumb − it is possible to (a) stimulate levels of
physical pain that are barely comprehensible, and completely out of
proportion with what is being done physically, and (b) produce a release
of emotions, often accompanied by repressed memories, that is
unbelievably cathartic. Through pain applied in this way, I (who usually
find it almost impossible to cry) have been reduced to a sobbing
blubbering mass of jelly. The outcome of this experience (which, believe
me, requires much aftercare) has been an experience of incredible
oneness, not only with the facilitator, not only with those who were
witnesses, but with the entire universe. It is this experience, far
above any other, that opened my mind to the physical pain aspect of
BDSM.
As you might perceive from this, the struggle for me has been the
opposite of that which Rebecca and Sadie speak of. The seeking of
physical pain was what I shunned, and for a long time branded as
"pathological." Emotional masochism has always come more easily to me.
And now, as I come to understand it better, I see it as precisely the
point. I see physical experience as just another way to access the
emotional substrata. For me, exploring the emotional pain is the real
purpose. I experienced some pretty awful humiliation in my life, as a
kid. In past lives, which I’ve done a great deal of work to try to
discover, I’ve experienced some things that were almost unspeakable.
Now, I WANT to re-experience those feelings − but in a safe and sexy
environment. I want to feel them, knowing I can go through the wall of
emotional pain − being humiliated, reviled, desecrated − and come out
the other side whole and safe. I want to feel them and know that I can
be held afterwards, and kissed and made sweet love to, and be assured
that I am worthy of love.
I don’t mean that I want to be made to feel miserable just so I can feel
better afterward. There are plenty people who’ll do the feel-good thing,
without the abuse. But I see that as a Band-Aid approach; it doesn’t
heal anything, it just covers it over. What I experience is that,
through the process of eroticizing humiliation and linking it
inextricably both with pleasure and unity, a powerful shift happens
inside me. It reprograms me in a way that kind words alone, no matter
how sincere, could never do.
Concomitantly, there’s an awakening experience that happens. Using my
own life as a lab (having no other "studies" to rely on) I came face to
face with some very ugly material when I began experimenting with BDSM,
and specifically with humiliation. For more than thirty years, I had
been plagued by strange images and fleeting glimpses of something dark
and terrible that had happened to me; something that, try as I might, I
could never quite pull out into the light where I could look at it.
Within three weeks of the time that my partner and I started seriously
and intentionally experimenting with humiliation, my mind was opened,
and I was able to remember sexual abuse that I had experienced as a
child. This was not a pleasant or easy discovery, I don’t mean to imply
to anyone that it was. But it was incredibly growthful, and I believe
that once I got through the confusion and self-loathing and was able to
say, ‘now, at last, I know!’ − I was propelled miles forward in my
journey.
In the same article I quoted earlier, Sensuous Sadie wrote:
"[A Submissive] wanted me to hurt him because he wanted to hurt
himself. Not in the fun way that we all groove on, but in that ‘you need
a therapist’ way. I refused, because while many people do emotional edge
play that deals with deep issues and traumatic experiences, I’m not
qualified to go to any of those places with anyone. Maybe as I friend I
can, but not as a Dominant. Bringing out unreleased issues can trigger
serious emotional and mental situations, none of which I’m prepared to
cope with."
Here, I guess, is where I take serious issue. I am a student of
psychology. I work with kids who have been extremely traumatized in
their lives. Very soon, I hope to return to graduate school and get the
necessary letters placed after my name that will say, "I am qualified to
deal with this." I do not mean to trivialize the work that will go into
that degree, nor to minimize the knowledge and sensitivity of the many
trained and skilled therapists in the world who work with such trauma.
But I renounce the idea that I or any other person is more qualified to
deal with another’s trauma than that person is. The therapist is only a
facilitator, and can achieve nothing until the person is ready.
Stan Grof, one of the most preeminent voices in transpersonal
psychology, states that each of us has our own "inner healing wisdom."
Without the cooperation and guidance of that inner wisdom (or what
Jungian psychologists call our "Inner Healer") a therapist can
accomplish nothing. But without the therapist, the inner healing wisdom
does not cease to operate. The methods that it uses to achieve its ends
are infinite. I know beyond any shadow of doubt that it was my own Inner
Healer that helped me find the first woman who would work with me in
BDSM, and that guided her intuitive ability to humiliate me (an ability
that was entirely foreign to what she or any of her friends saw as her
"true nature"). Without it, I would still be groping with shadows in my
Unconscious. And I firmly believe that, in the case of the sub Sadie
speaks of above, it was his inner healing wisdom that led him to a place
she could not go with him.
This is absolutely not a judgment. Only she could know if she was ready
to go there with him, and she chose not to. But to cast his desires in
the light of pathology, and dismiss them with the phrase, "you need a
therapist," was unfortunate. It is good to remember that translated
literally, "psychology," means "knowledge of the soul," and "therapist"
means "attendant." Thus, a psychotherapist is (or should be) "one who is
attendant on the soul’s process." We often speak of BDSM as "playing,"
but it is no game. It is the soul’s process. I believe that each of us
can be a "therapist" in that process when we are called to be. And that
BDSM provides a unique and potent scaffold from which to do it.
I do not ever suggest that anyone do what they are not called to do. But
I do suggest that we listen very carefully to our inner urges and
desires, and to our responses to them. In my own spiritual life, I have
found again and again that it’s the dark places, the places I’m afraid
to go, that are most often the places I need to go. So I suggest to
everyone: if you are afraid of something, look at it very, very
carefully before saying "I will not go there." It is by entering the
dark forest of our fears, where there are prowling beasts stranger than
in fairy tales, that we are most apt to come home, sheltering next to
our hearts some treasure we have found there.
Rebecca Brook moderates Leatherchurch, a discussion list for
religious leatherfolk of all faiths and orientations. She is an
Episcopal laywoman who’s particularly interested in the connections
between radical sexuality and incarnational Christian theology and
practice – but who hopes that this can become a home for anyone who’s
felt excluded, on the basis of body, from communities of spirit.
RebBrook@aol.com
TO Join Leatherchurch send an e-mail to:
Leatherchurch-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
~~~
* Marrone, Robert (1990) Body of Knowledge. Albany: State University of
New York Press.
Copyright 2003
This article is reprinted here with the explicit permission of the
author. If you would like to share it with others, please link directly
to this page or contact the author for permission. It is a violation of
copyright law to distribute or reprint this piece without that
permission, however you may include a short quote from it, not more than
20% of the total text. Please respect the integrity of this work.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/\\//\\//\\/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Survey: The Role of Humiliation in BDSM
By niki Aracos
aracos@sover.net
*Please send responses directly to niki
Nki, who has published two chapbooks of poetry and is working on a
third, also dabbles in fiction and essays. He is a long-time student of
the human mind, and continues to study the use of creativity as a
healing process. He will be collecting responses to this survey for the
next month and will report on them thereafter.
I’m doing some informal research into various aspects of BDSM. At this
point, I’m particularly curious about the relative importance of
humiliation in others’ BDSM experiences. Toward that end, I’ve created
the survey below. I would love it if you would participate.
If you find the multiple choices too limiting, feel free to express your
own thoughts at the bottom. Please e-mail your finished survey to
aracos@sover.net, with the subject line, "Survey." Thank you.
Do you consider yourself primarily
Dominant
Submissive
A more or less 50/50 switch?
Do you feel good about your own BDSM practice?
yes
no
ambivalent
In general (not necessarily in your own practice), do
you consider humiliation to be
An important aspect of BDSM
Of minor importance in BDSM
Entirely dependent on the individuals involved
In general, do you consider humiliation as a part of
BDSM to be
Healthy
Unhealthy
No opinion
Look at the BDSM play that you have personally
experienced and, on a scale of 0 to 10, rate the relative importance of
each of the following matters:
Power exchange
Physical pain
Restraint
Service play
Humiliation
Exposure to others than your partner(s)
Are you satisfied with that experience? If you would
change it, would humiliation play a lesser or greater role? Using the
same scale as before, can you say how large the shift would be?
If you consider the choices above to be too limiting, please expand
here. If you have anything else you’d like to write on the subject,
please do so here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/\\//\\//\\/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To Boldly Go
By Daddy Bob Allen
DaddyBob69@aol.com
Order his book at:
http://members.aol.com/DaddyBob69/icarus.htm
Daddy Bob Allen is a well known personality in the California Scene,
having written "The Only Reason I Mention This," a collection of his
essays from the Leather Journal and a novel called "The Wings of Icarus."
This article originally appeared in The Leather Journal; publisher:
Dave Rhodes.
I’m an incurable documentary addict, especially the ones that tell me
exactly how an ancient civilization lived from a few fragments of
pottery and a pile of petrified goat dung.
Now, this sort of thing brings up a very serious worry of mine. What are
future civilizations going to think of ours if they happen to unearth,
shall we say, non-representative aspects of our culture? Will they know
we developed television, conquered space and invented Listerine if the
first ruin they explore is the Rugged Wrangler Bath House?
I don’t mind telling you I’m losing sleep over this one, and if you’re
not panic-stricken, you’re not thinking clearly.
To illustrate my point, we’re going to eavesdrop on Porgo and Traff, two
learned and world renowned archaeologists of their day, many eons in the
future. They have just broken through the door of a late twentieth
century SM dungeon in what used to be the city of Los Angeles.
"Well, well, well," announces Porgo. "Black walls and ceiling. Does that
suggest burial crypt to you?"
"Maybe," says Traff pointing to a huge slab of wood suspended
horizontally on four square pillars dominating the center of the room.
"But, the sarcophagus is missing. Grave robbers?"
"I doubt it," says Porgo looking about the cluttered walls. "None of the
artifacts appear disturbed. Maybe the chamber was prepared but never
used."
"Yes," adds Traff. "The culture met a cataclysmic end perhaps? Let’s
take a closer look at the casket mount."
"Hmmm," says Porgo after tedious inspection. "Looks like it’s covered
with animal hide of some sort. And they must have been a very stoic race
to bury their dead like this. Look at all the sharp studs."
"Perhaps," says Traff, "it is symbolic that the dead are above the pain
of life."
"Excellent theory," exclaims Porgo. "Let’s look at those shelves over
there. If I’m not mistaken, these are incense containers." Porgo pulls
one of the cans off the shelf.
"Definitely well into the Plastic Age," says Traff. "Look at the lid."
Porgo peels off the top. "Hmmm. Obviously bacterial action has reduced
the original contents to this white sticky substance. We’ll bring a
sample back to the lab."
"Wait a minute," says Traff. "It’s faint, but I think I can make out the
writing on this container." He gets out his magnifying glass.
"C-R-I-S-C-O. What do you make of that?"
Porgo thinks a moment. "Wasn’t that combination the third part of that
cartouche we discovered north of here?"
"No," says Traff. "That was C-I-S-C-O. But, then, a degenerating written
language usually accompanies the decline of a civilization. We might
really be onto something here."
Porgo turns around. "And what’s this?" He has nearly bumped into
something in the half light.
"It looks like a hammock," says Traff. "Also animal hide. And suspended
from the ceiling on chains, yet. These people must have been very
practical. They used what was at hand and wasted nothing."
"But," stammers Porgo, "look at the size of the thing. The owner of this
must have been a midget."
Traff spots a wooden chest in a far corner. "Let’s take a look in there.
If those are the deceased’s possessions for the afterlife, then we might
get some clues."
"Good thinking," says Porgo prying open the dusty lid. "Ah, hah!" he
shouts after only a glance. He picks up three metal rings. "Look at
these bracelets. Why, they’d barely fit around my penis, let alone my
wrist. These people couldn’t have been more than three feet tall. I’ll
stake my reputation on it."
"And," adds Traff, "there’s no adornment on them. No jewels, no carving
or etching. I think that cinches the stoic and practical theory. But,
wait a minute." He picks up a complex arrangement of leather straps and
buckles. "The size of this thing worries me."
"An animal harness?" offers Porgo.
"Nonsense," says Traff. "These people had to be past the draft animal
stage."
"Oh, really?" says Porgo. "Then how do you explain these?" He points to
a far wall.
Traff crosses the room for a closer look. "If these aren’t riding crops
and buggy whips, I’ll use my doctor’s thesis to line the bottom of the
bird cage."
"Consider the geography," Porgo points out with great flourish and
mystery. "Isolated by the mountains just east of here. Diminishing gene
pool. Degeneration of physical stature..."
"And culture levels, too," adds Traff. "The writing proves that. Why not
throw back all the way to draft animals?"
A puff of wind huffs through the open door and the shutter of a wall
cabinet creaks open. The two stand in utter amazement.
Porgo finds his voice first. "An altar?"
"But it’s nothing but rows of phallic representations," stammers Traff.
"I agree they’re intricately detailed, but for such small people, can
you explain their size?"
Porgo folds his arms smugly. "Wishful thinking."
Now, Daddy Bob may not be able to effect how future civilizations figure
us out, but I do have some advice regarding past cultures. The next time
Professor Pitchfossil on channel 28 shows you an elegant little urn and
tells you it once held cosmetic oils, don’t you believe it. On the day
it was lost, an ancient brat might just have shouted across the
courtyard of his villa, "Ma! Have you seen my ant farm?"
~~~
Copyright 2003
This article is reprinted here with the explicit permission of the
author. If you would like to share it with others, please link directly
to this page or contact the author for permission. It is a violation of
copyright law to distribute or reprint this piece without that
permission, however you may include a short quote from it, not more than
20% of the total text. Please respect the integrity of this work.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/\\//\\//\\/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Against the Night
By Thomas
VoicesInTheDrk@aol.com
More of his writing is available on:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=106184
Echoes
in the darkness
cradle
my
soul.
I am His...
I am His...
I am His...
I am His;
for He holds me
firmly against night’s embrace.
I am His;
where there is no fear,
no isolation.
I am His;
burning reverently,
as a candle dares
illuminate a temple.
I am His;
for He has welcomed me
into his smile...
I am His;
for I cannot conceptualize being anything else.
And,
in the end;
because I am His...
I know
I now exist.
Therefore
I
am.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/\\//\\//\\/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Upcoming Live Interviews with BDSM Personalities on Dominate Radio
July 17th ...Shannon (bondage model)
http://SinIsHer.com
July 24...Sir Victor, Founder And Leader Of DomSubFriends, of NYC
http://www.DomSubFriends.com
July 31...Sascha "St. Anger" Illyvich
Author of "Mistress Kitty and Trent: Tales of Love and Romantic BDSM"
I will be giving away a copy of "Mistress Kitty and Trent" e-book and a
coffee mug with the cover on it.
http://www.malesubmission.com/saschai
The Sensuous Sadie interview is archived here if you missed it: (best
for broadband download only)
http://mistresswebdesign.com/interview_archive.html
Visit Dominate Radio, the only Live BDSM Internet Radio Station at:
http://www.dominateradio.com/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/\\//\\//\\/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Website of the Week
David Stein’s Website, Author & originator of the phrase SSC
http://www.lthredge.com/ds/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/\\//\\//\\/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ADMINISTRIVIA
ABOUT SADIE AND THE MISSION OF THIS NEWSLETTER
I’m Sensuous Sadie, editor and all around diva of this publication. I’m
the author of : It’s Not About the Whip: Love, Sex, and Spirituality in
the BDSM Scene ( http://www.trafford.com/robots/03-0551.html ) as well
as founder and leader (1999-2001) of Rose & Thorn, Vermont’s first BDSM
group. SCENEsubmissions is a venue for information on BDSM and
spirituality, exploring BDSM not as a conduit for toys and protocol, but
as an erotica mystica. You can also find more information about these
topics on my website in the BDSM & Spirituality section.
You can reach me at SensuousSadie@aol.com or visit my website (and see a
hot photo of me) at www.sensuoussadie.com
BDSM WRITERS GROUP
I moderate a Yahoo group for BDSM Writers of fiction, non-fiction, and
poetry. Our goal is to share input and feedback on ongoing writing
projects. You do not need to be published, but we want people who will
be engaged in offering and accepting feedback. To join, just send an
e-mail to:
BDSMwriters-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
QUICHER BITCHIN’ - SEND LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Send ‘em to me! I LOVE letters reaming me out for my views. Send to
SensuousSadie@aol.com
SUBSCRIBE DIRECTLY TO SCENEsubmissions NEWSLETTER. IT’S FREE.
Are you getting this newsletter forwarded from someone else? Receive a
fresh hot copy every Sunday delivered to your e-mail box. To subscribe,
send an e-mail to:
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OR, read it on my website anytime for a formatted version complete with
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www.sensuoussadie.com/newsletter.htm
RUN THIS NEWSLETTER ON YOUR WEBSITE OR DISCUSSION GROUP
If you would like to reprint this newsletter on a weekly basis, please
drop me a line at SensuousSadie@aol.com
PUBLISHING POLICY
This newsletter follows standard copyrighting practice regarding all
articles and poetry which are reprinted with explicit permission of the
authors. ‘Fair use’ guidelines are followed regarding quotes. The Fair
Use doctrine of the U.S. copyright statute states it is permissible to
use limited portions of a work including quotes, for purposes such as
commentary, criticism, news reporting, and scholarly reports and that
"In determining whether the use made of a work in any particular case is
a fair use the factors to be considered shall include... the amount and
substantiality of the portion used in relation to the copyrighted work
as a whole." This is normally interpreted in legal cases to include 20%
or less of a complete work.
Copyright 2003 Sadie Sez Publications
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