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The SCENESubmissions 2003 Archives
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~ Nikki ~~~~~~~/\\//\\//\\/~~~~~~~ SCENEsubmissions November 2nd, 2003 ~~~~~~~/\\//\\//\\/~~~~~~~ Why I Don't Give a Hoot About Protocol and Why It's Important to Know Anyway – By Sensuous Sadie Excerpt on BDSM & Spirituality from Geoff Mains’ recently reissued: Urban Aboriginals: A Celebration of Leathersexuality SCENEprofiles Interview with Miranda, Editor of Crystal-Bridge Website of the Week ADMINISTRIVIA This Newsletter Online with Photos: www.sensuoussadie.com/newsletter.htm About Sadie and the Mission of this Newsletter How to Subscribe to this Free Newsletter Publishing Policy ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/\\//\\//\\/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Why I Don't Give a Hoot About Protocol and Why It's Important to Know Anyway By Sensuous Sadie SensuousSadie@aol.com www.sensuoussadie.com The first time I attempted to follow formal BDSM protocol it was a big fat failure. Part of the problem was that I was in a non-protocol setting. Not being able to identify whether a particular person was Dominant or Submissive put me in quite the quandary, not to mention trying to figure this out in the five seconds as they ran up and hugged me. I was attempting this protocol feat because I was training with Master Dex of House Mermaid who appreciates the finer flavors of these kind of structured interactions. The truth is, I don’t give a hoot about protocol. I’m not big on ceremony in general, and can be downright surly about rules in particular. I’ve even been told that I think the rules don’t apply to me, which may well be true. I tend to see things like ceremony and regulations as artificial constructs, constructs which can assume more importance than the human connection. I’m not saying rules are never important. Nor am I saying it’s okay to disrespect fellow players. What I am saying is that following rules for their own sake does nothing for my vanilla self and even less for my Submissive self. Let’s back up a little bit here, because it’s easy to get things mushed up. Information abounds on the rules of the BDSM game, and those rules vary a lot, just like recipes for spaghetti sauce. The general breakdown seems to be between etiquette and protocol. Etiquette is the good manners things we do at events which show respect for each other, such as not touching someone else’s toys, respecting other people’s kinks, and not outing people. I agree with this approach, not because of that hackneyed golden rule business, but because it’s basic respect. Protocol tends to refer to the series of public interaction rules which grew out of our military history where the BDSM community was born. Master Dex describes the historical piece this way: "Much of the early protocols adopted in the lifestyle came from military servicepeople returning following World War II. Protocols between officers and enlisted personnel translated into the way Doms approached other Doms, Doms interacted with submissives, and subs interacted with other subs. These are general rules of conduct and behavior for when people and groups approach each other." Common protocols you might hear about include things like Submissives not being allowed to sit on the furniture or avoiding eye contact with other Dominants. Dominants may be asked to "protect" other Submissives as well as not initiate contact directly with someone else’s Submissive. Things sometimes get a little bit fuzzy, no matter how you differentiate between etiquette and protocol. At House Mermaid one of their protocols includes the statement "What goes on in the House stays in the House." Is this etiquette or protocol? Depends, I guess, on how you define it. Definitions aside it’s a good rule which shows respect for what happens in the house. Lord Battista of the Erotic Power Exchange Dominion elaborates: "All facets of our life have protocols. There is the way we treat each other, the simple protocol of welcoming a new person to our neighborhood, the way we greet an old friend with a handshake, or for us bikers a hardy hug and a pat on the back." It is the protocol part of things which leaves me cold. For people who dig the ceremony, the structure, the clear rules, protocol can be a reflection of their inner self. Some others, the artistic temperamental types, prefer to wriggle our own way. I often feel quite silly when attempting to follow formal protocol, and feeling silly doesn’t add anything to my Submissive experience. I don’t see that it makes a jot of difference where I’m sitting or whether or not I put my hand out first to shake someone’s hand. The handkerchief code is an example of a construct in our community, not part of protocol per se, but similar in its history and structure. The hanky code helps people identify each other’s orientation, the left jean’s pocket for Dominants and the right pocket for Submissives. Since I don’t wear jeans to scene events, or in fact anywhere, I don’t have anyplace to put a colored hanky. Not to mention, as my friend Gary Switch points out, that there’s no middle pocket for us switches. In the subdued lighting of most events I’ve attended, I’d have to peer pretty close at someone’s ass to figure out whether the darn thing was light pink (dildo fucker) or dark pink (tit torturer). Mixing these up could be a mistake of serious proportions. You might be willing to argue this code is or is not defined as protocol, which is one thing, but as an example of a set of rules, I find it impractical and confusing. It is in things like the hanky code where people can mistake the form of BDSM for the content of BDSM. Form is the toys, the fashion, the community, and, the protocol. These are the accoutrements of our lifestyle, physical manifestations which represent what we’re feeling, not the experience of Dom or Subspace itself. It’s certainly true that I love scene fashion as much as the next girl, and also true that I never wear heels higher than 1.5 inches. Do I think fabulous 6" heels are cool? Sure I do. But they are not what being Dominant or Submissive is about. So this is my take on the protocol thing. Sure it’s a bit loosey goosey, but then so am I. Given this you might be surprised to know that the other night I stood up and gave a mildly impassioned speech about why we should all know and care about protocol. I received a few raised eyebrows of course, being my feelings about this particular topic are well known. I think of formal protocol as Emily Post for the BDSM world, manners to smooth the way between different ways of living, of which we have many. Holding your fork like a shovel and scooping food into your open maw may work fine at home, but won’t fly at a dinner party. Wearing jeans might be great at a munch, but wear them to an office with a dress code and you sure will lose your chance at a promotion. In this context, there are plenty of good reasons to know some kind of basic rules. Knowing the protocol of your group or community gains you entre and respect because you cared enough to be aware of the community standards. Depending on the flavor of your community, protocol may or may not be practiced actively. Even if you aren’t using it much at home, eventually you’ll travel a bit and want to be easily accepted into other communities. The key thing is to check out the groups before leaving and so do the "when in Rome" thing when you get there. Lastly, formal protocol is an important part of the BDSM community’s history. Why is history important? Well, it may not be for you personally, but our community would not be here without the many people who have fought to get us here. Groups like the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom are still fighting for us today, both in the legal and the political arenas. I’ve been reading lately about people who have been prosecuted for private BDSM practices and groups who have had events cancelled because of closed-minded religious freaks. Even with this, we have the freedom to congregate and explore our lifestyles mostly freely. Many of us have the choice to come out and know that our legal rights will be protected. Thank our foremothers and forefathers for providing us this mature community. Thanking them means knowing a little bit about how our community developed. At that first party where I tried to follow formal protocol, I didn’t do such a great job. But at least I’ll know that I made the choice to know what the rules were, even if my performance was a big fat failure. What counts to Master Dex and to me was the effort. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sensuous Sadie is the author of It's Not About the Whip: Love, Sex, and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene (http://www.trafford.com/robots/03-0551.html). She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn, Vermont's first BDSM group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at SensuousSadie@aol.com or visit her website at www.sensuoussadie.com . Sadie believes the universe is abundant, and that sharing information freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing in most venues. Copyright 2003 Sadie Sez Publications ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/\\//\\//\\/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Excerpt on BDSM & Spirituality from Geoff Mains’ recently reissued: Urban Aboriginals: A Celebration of Leathersexuality Urban Aboriginals can be found at www.amazon.com Like words and acts of shamans, the spiritual utterances of leathermen can take on special importance to the fellow members of their tribe. These are men who have put their lives on the line, who have really been there. For any tribe that has been either actively oppressed or is in a marginal social position these words and acts help in building cultural security. There is something holy in the leather scene- something about which writers such as Kantrowitz, unafraid of the implications of radical sexuality, are emphatic. In a locale such as the Catacombs, there is a friendly caring aura that extends between people, a sort of sharing in the fortune that comes from being blessed. "the needs of the tribe," writes Ludwig, "are met through identification with the entranced person, who not only derives great personal satisfaction from divine possession, but also acts out certain ritualized group conflicts such as the theme of death and resurrection." The man in the sling at the Catacombs is a symbol to his brothers. Most of them have been there and all would like to go there. In the raw, powerful beauty of his being fisted, of living that process that only a woman can know as birth, is a fire and joy that binds men together. In each other's hands and each other's trust, the leathermen enact the very themes of life. ~~~ Copyright 2003 This excerpt is reprinted here with the explicit permission of the publisher. It is a violation of copyright law to distribute or reprint this piece without that permission, however you may include a short quote from it, not more than 20% of the total text. Please respect the integrity of this work. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/\\//\\//\\/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SCENEprofiles Interview with Miranda, Editor of Crystal-Bridge Miranda@crystal-bridge.com www.crystal-bridge.com/default.html Sadie: With so many websites catering to BDSM interests, what motivated you to start Crystal Bridge? What are your goals for the next few years for Crystal Bridge? Miranda: "Crystal-Bridge was started by Ricci, former director of The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF). It was her intention to give back to the community via this ad-free, informative web site. As her role at NCSF became increasingly time consuming, I assumed role as editor as my own gift, not only to free up Ricci for her work at NCSF, but also to continue her original intention of giving back to the community. She and I felt it was a good match in that we share similar outlooks and goals." Sadie: Your website offers a real variety of material. What do you enjoy the most? What kind of writers are you looking for? Miranda: "Well, I enjoy it all (kind of a cop out answer, huh?) But, if I have to pick a favorite, it would be my selected presentations of alternative lifestyle related arts and literature. Regarding writers, the key factor with Crystal-Bridge is sincerity. We really seek to extend our hand to as many variations on our theme as possible. I don't expect to agree with everything said in each article, but if the writing represents a sincere, down-to-earth representation of WIIWD, then I'll publish it." Sadie: You spend a lot of time researching different styles of BDSM, and in particular people who participate in heavier sceneing for your Brain Series. Can you tell me about this project? Miranda: "Yes, it's an extended project to say the least. Given all my other projects, it sometimes slips into the background and re-emerges again. My long-term goal is a book on my brain series. I have collected several interviews of people and their experiences with things such as mild to extreme sensory deprivation, lengthy shibari/bondage sessions, and so on. I aim to get inside their heads, if you will, via my questions." Sadie: One of your Brain Series pieces looks at the differences between Domspace, Subspace, Deepspace and Primal Space. What are the physiological differences and why is it important to delineate them? Miranda: "Well, Sadie, rather than risk putting our readers to sleep here, I'll simply say that my hypothesis illustrates how each type of space is manifested in different physical areas of the brain. I can't say that it is important to delineate between them. I suppose it's an integral part of my personality to want to get to the bottom of things. Whether it is which artist first started a particular movement in the art world, or which writer was the original in a specific genre, I always want to start at the beginning. Sm, in particular, is very biochemical. Although, like all things human, WIIWD is multi-layered. My brain project seeks to find the beginning layer." Sadie: You're in the process of developing a new alternative BDSM website newsletter. Since most people think of BDSM as already being alternative, how will this new publication differ from Crystal Bridge? Miranda: "Actually, I'm in the process of developing three new websites at the moment. They will be an online magazine (like Crystal-Bridge), an informative, submissive oriented site, and a psychology-based support site. "What I'm finding in my BDSM travels are an enormous number of really, bright, creative, interesting people among us. My role in these new sites is really a sort of patron role. I pair up people that I think will work well together and supply what they need to get the ball rolling. After that, it's basically up to them. I'm always there to help in whatever way I can, but I don't attempt to impose any restrictions or some sense of the right way to do this. It is so interesting what different individuals create. I'm really enjoying watching these various projects blossom." Sadie: You commented in another interview that " My goal in starting my own discussion group was to illustrate the depth of WIIWD through my own personal passions such as literature, psychology and arts." Do you feel that you have accomplished this? Miranda: "I don't think there is ever an end to a goal like that. In hopes of reaching a larger audience I've been extending that goal to Crystal-Bridge. A couple of months ago, Susan Wright from the National Coalition of Freedom was interviewed on the O'Riley Factor regarding the Barbara Nitke case. At one point, Mr. O'Riley referred to us as 'doofuses with whips.' That really hurt. We are so multi-layered, and if I can show that in any small way, in this case, through literature, art and psychology, I'll be happy." Sadie: Your signature tag says, "They don't have to like it, I just hope they read it." What do you mean by this? Miranda: "I don't propose to illustrate a right way of doing things in this subculture. More than anything, I want folks to be aware of various options. If they don't like some things, that's cool, but at least they know enough to make those personal choices." Sadie: You started your BDSM explorations with your local community, but did eventually move to BDSM chats to reach out. How would you say your experience has changed since that time? Miranda: "The magnitude of it all is fairly mind blowing. Quite honestly, I find my chat experiences fairly shallow and disappointing. I prefer discussion groups, where one has time to think out what they want to communicate. I do think that the community has gained the potential to grow and communicate via the Internet." Sadie: You say that, "The 'we' that makes 'us' has a diverse history and a hopeful future. Crystal-Bridge hopes to give a bigger picture of all that we are and aid in surpassing any differences among us." And yet even so our community is rife with politics and drama. To what do you ascribe these problems? Do you have any ideas to improve the situation? Miranda: "It's so true, your saying, 'politics and drama.' I think that the 'drama' part may have to do with the fact that we are a very creative lot in general, and I think it's almost fitting that we do tend to dramatics. I'll tap dance here around the politics part. One issue I see is that, as the subculture grows, there is a lot of money making potential out there. I think that originally 'pure' intentions become bastardized through earning potential. As with the world in general, when money becomes a factor, politics follow." Sadie: Thank you very much! Miranda: " NO! Thank you Sadie. ~Smile~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you enjoyed this interview, read more SCENEprofiles with BDSM personalities on Sadie's website at www.sensuoussadie.com Copyright 2003 Sadie Sez Publications ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/\\//\\//\\/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Website of the Week Lady Pyra’s Website The fact that physical pain can lead to emotional health need not be a paradox. And yes, it is more than merely an endorphin release, or an endorphin high. It has to do with catharsis. And not to confuse you, let me define catharsis for you as it relates to BDSM. Catharsis is an emotional release, usually a release from the body of trapped trauma. We store emotional memories deep within our muscles at various places in the body. Ask any decent massage therapist and they will tell you that you will probably go through some emotional "stuff" after a deep tissue massage. http://www.ladypyra.com/healing1.htm ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/\\//\\//\\/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ADMINISTRIVIA ABOUT SADIE AND THE MISSION OF THIS NEWSLETTER I’m Sensuous Sadie, editor and all around diva of this publication. I’m the author of : It’s Not About the Whip: Love, Sex, and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene http://www.trafford.com/robots/03-0551.html as well as founder and leader (1999-2001) of Rose & Thorn, Vermont’s first BDSM group. SCENEsubmissions is a venue for information on BDSM and spirituality, exploring BDSM not as a conduit for toys and protocol, but as an erotica mystica. You can also find more information about these topics on my website in the BDSM & Spirituality section. You can reach me at SensuousSadie@aol.com or visit my website (and see a hot photo of me) at www.sensuoussadie.com BDSM WRITERS GROUP Writers – please join this group for BDSM Writers of fiction, non-fiction, and poetry. Our goal is to share input and feedback on ongoing writing projects. You do not need to be published, but we want people who will be engaged in offering and accepting feedback. To join, just send an e-mail to: BDSMwriters-subscribe@yahoogroups.com QUICHER BITCHIN’ - SEND LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Send ‘em to me! I LOVE letters reaming me out for my views. Send to SensuousSadie@aol.com SUBSCRIBE DIRECTLY TO SCENEsubmissions NEWSLETTER. IT’S FREE. Are you getting this newsletter forwarded from someone else? Receive a fresh hot copy every Sunday delivered to your e-mail box. To subscribe, send an e-mail to: SCENEsubmissions-subscribe@yahoogroups.com OR, read it on my website anytime for a formatted version complete with photos: www.sensuoussadie.com/newsletter.htm RUN THIS NEWSLETTER ON YOUR WEBSITE OR DISCUSSION GROUP If you would like to reprint this newsletter on a weekly basis, please drop me a line at SensuousSadie@aol.com PUBLISHING POLICY This newsletter follows standard copyrighting practice regarding all articles and poetry which are reprinted with explicit permission of the authors. ‘Fair use’ guidelines are followed regarding quotes. The Fair Use doctrine of the U.S. copyright statute states it is permissible to use limited portions of a work including quotes, for purposes such as commentary, criticism, news reporting, and scholarly reports and that ‘In determining whether the use made of a work in any particular case is a fair use the factors to be considered shall include... the amount and substantiality of the portion used in relation to the copyrighted work as a whole.’ This is normally interpreted in legal cases to include 20% or less of a complete work. Easy to read information on copyright: 10 Big Myths about copyright explained: An attempt to answer common myths about copyright seen on the net and cover issues related to copyright and USENET/Internet publication. By Brad Templeton http://www.templetons.com/brad/copymyths.html Copyright 2003 Sadie Sez Publications
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