Boston, Massachusetts

Bound for Boston
By Sensuous Sadie
SensuousSadie@aol.com 
www.sensuoussadie.com 


Many of you will remember the classic book Passages, which was named one of the most influential books of our time by a Library of Congress survey. The author, Gail Sheehy, writes about the continuing changes we experience through our life cycle and offers a road map to take us through our 20s, 30s, 40s, and beyond.

I wouldn’t need my GPS unit to find my place in Sheehy’s road map, because at 44 I’m definitely feeling the change pushing me right into the roiling surf. When I moved to Vermont nearly 15 years ago, it was just out of graduate school and I was place oriented. I moved here because God called me to live in Vermont and it was here that I wanted to make my home. I knew the pieces would fall into place, and so they did. Today, I'm a long way from that young woman who was entering her first career position. In fact, at 44 I'm facing the last phase of my career, the 15 years in which I want to make my final mark. Sadly, I have realized that I cannot do this in Vermont.

Consider this: in the last two years I have sent out five resumes to jobs in my professional field which is education research. After deciding that I wanted to move to Boston for the greater opportunity there, I have sent out five resumes in just the last month. Some difference eh? Perhaps it is that Vermont had approximately 600,000 people in 2006 – yes, that’s in the whole state! Compare that to the some 550,000 people in Boston alone in 2005. Not to mention that Boston is the intellectual capital of the country, with more universities that you can sneeze at. This might explain a bit of the job differential.

Vermont has always been my great love, so moving has been a heartbreaking decision. The big reason has been the job situation, but there is another attraction of the home of the Red Sox. As most readers know, I founded Rose & Thorn in 1999, which was the first BDSM group in Vermont, and our community has grown exponentially since then. When you’re a nationally-known writer in a very small state, well that makes you a big fish in a small pond. A little celebrity has its compensations, but in all honesty – not many.

I know that in Boston there are many BDSM writers, activists, and other people who think about the leather scene in the wide-ranging way that I do. What I mean is that they talk not just about how to flog, tie and whatnot, but about what we are doing as a community on a broader level. I won’t be a big fish there and that’s fine with me. I’ll be one fish among many and that would be wonderful because I would have many fishy friends to hang with. I dream of being with people who would love to have dinner with me too, and talk about philosophy, spirituality, and how these things interrelate to the national outlook of the BDSM experience. I want to listen and learn, not just share my own ideas. And no, it’s not that there is no one in Vermont that can do that, it’s just that the number of friends who interact that way with me are so very few. After all, consider those census numbers.

I think about reinventing myself in regards to the leather scene. Here in Vermont I have the baggage of being the founder, the former leader, and all of the hats I’ve ever worn. But somewhere else I can be just me, a new person who people will meet as I am now; not every story that every person has ever heard about me since time immemorial. And God knows in a small community like ours, there are plenty of those. My friend Jonathan has said to me that he has thought about moving too because “as much as your friends love and support you, they also in some ways limit you. This is because they have such strong expectations about who you are, built up from so many years of knowing you that it’s hard to step out of that rut and become something different.” I get that Jonathan; I surely do.

I also want to recreate myself as to my way of interacting with Dominants. And of course I cannot help but be aware that the field will be so much larger, not just of Dominants available, but men who are capable and comfortable dating a person such as myself. Believe me, your garden-variety Dom is not prepared to be involved with someone with my credentials, even if I am a Submissive. Right or wrong, intimidating or not, it’s just the way it is – or in any case, that’s what they tell me.

The truth is, I bought my new TomTom GPS for my drives to Boston, because I’ve heard about what a misery it is driving there. Boston is not a planned city like New York with its neat grid of streets in ABC and 123 formation. Even so, I may still need some advice from Sheehy for navigating this next passage in my own life as I find a place in a community so much larger than my own small pond. This I do know: whether in a state super small or super large, kinky folk everywhere are a welcoming lot, and I’m looking forward to getting down there and getting down.
 

My happy little TomTom One 3rd Edition GPS - Consumer Reports' Best Buy
 

REFERENCES

  

Gail Sheehy’s Website
http://www.gailsheehy.com/index.html

Top 50 Cities in the U.S. by Population and Rank
http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0763098.html

US Census Bureau State & County Quickfacts: Vermont
http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/50000.html 


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Sensuous Sadie is the author of Spiritual Transformation through BDSM; Stories and Submissions from Fellow Travelers. Read an excerpt and more at Sadie's Kinky Goodies http://www.sensuoussadie.com/sadieskinkygoodies.htm. She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn, Vermont's first BDSM group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at SensuousSadie@aol.com or visit her website at http://www.sensuoussadie.com/. Sadie believes the universe is abundant, and that sharing information freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing in most venues.

Copyright 2008 Sadie Sez Publications