Readers Love Me; People who know me – well that's a different story
By Sensuous Sadie
SensuousSadie@aol.com 
www.sensuoussadie.com 

You have to admit that most women who have done something with their lives have been disliked by almost everyone.
~ Françoise Gilot, painter pal of Pablo Picasso


In Vermont when summer is about to ignite, a pollen storm blows cottony flowers everywhere and up my nose. Tree pollen is my allergy of choice, so I most often observe it all from inside the house. It's a love-hate relationship because darn if Vermont doesn't get awfully short summers, but I have to wait impatiently inside until the trees finish mating.

I have a love-hate relationship with my readers as well. On the one hand, most readers dig my writing, which makes it fun to write. My friend Stacey said that what she likes best about it is my "painful honesty." I know I got big cojones to write like I do, but I figure there's no real point in it otherwise. I've only received one letter from someone who outrightly hated my writing, but then her letter was so over the top I figured she was out of her mind anyhow. My editor Gary Switch often drills me on overuse of ellipses (…) and other writer's crutches, but we've only had one real disagreement. It has to do with whether BDSM is fundamentally different than vanilla. I say yes; he says no. He thinks it's just a spot on the broader sexuality continuum. Whatever, I reply. Even with all that and this, my stories are loved with the hot sweet sexiness of summer.

Here's the weird part. Readers usually assume that I'm as well loved here in Vermont as I am in the twenty something magazines that publish my stuff. Oh HO would they be wrong! I think I was actually more popular when I was a group leader, despite the fact that I was something of a dictator. Benevolent of course, but still a dictator. Be that as it may, I was still invited to lots of play parties and events. When my friend Jonathan became director after my reign there was some leftover detritus flying about – not unlike pollen – but even so people liked me.

Sadly, and as much as I hate to admit it, I don't think I'm all that well liked anymore. For example, one of my former Dominants had a contingent of friends who never invited me to their get togethers, even when they invited him. I admit that hurt my feelings, but if truth be told I wouldn't have gone even had I been invited. They may be my age, but their frat party antics are sometimes downright embarrassing. Turns out they didn't like me either because I was too "outspoken," which is actually true, so I couldn't really argue the point. I've also been told, rather more often than I'd prefer to hear, that I'm "intimidating." Something to do with my being a published author and all that. Last of all, having been so actively involved in the community since its inception, I've unmade friends with rather a number of people through the years. Even my own friends sometimes think twice before inviting me to a party. I hope this doesn't sound like a big whine-a-thon. I'm just trying to do a bit of that painful honesty thing that Stacey likes so much.

Am I a mean old icky person? I doubt it. I am, however, assertive, strong willed, and sometimes speak out of turn. I really shoulda been a Dominant because these qualities aren't particularly appreciated in Submissives. On the good side, I'm a witty and fun person to be around. I'm scrupulously honest in my writing, something which readers like, although admittedly some former partners do not. I could include some compliments from friends to shore up my image, but I won't bore you with that. Instead I want to wrap this up in a different way, and that is to try to explain the difference between Sensuous Sadie the author, and Sensuous Sadie the actual person. The reason I tell you about this is because I wish real life could be as easily understood and as well articulated as this article.

I have been blessed with a wonderful gift of wordsmithing. If you like my stories, that's a wonderful gift too. You may think you know me because you read my stuff, and I can understand that feeling. I too had that feeling when I read Graham Greene's books. His words so resonated with my spirit that I wanted to throw myself onto his doorstep and declare my undying devotion. Of course I'm not putting myself on the same level as Greene who is considered one of the great American novelists, but writing does have that intensively intimate quality. My writing isn't actually me though, just one artistic expression of many. You can know my ideas, which are important in themselves, but not the same thing as knowing me. I guess readers think I'm so darn likeable because my writing is so darn likeable.

In spite of being so outspoken, I am a quiet writer type and rather introverted. I may not be radically popular, but I have a few close friends and that works for me. That's not sour grapes, just self awareness. I do sometimes feel this weird disconnect though, but that's okay too. There's no real answer to any of this of course, just a conversation about the vagarities of being a writer and also being a real person. Either way, the pollen storm is still raging in my back yard, so perhaps I'll just ramp up the air conditioner and get back to work.


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REFERENCES

Some of Graham Greene's books that were made into movies are the classic: The Third Man with Orson Wells, and most recently, The Quiet American, with Michael Caine (which incidentally got four stars from Roger Ebert).


Sensuous Sadie is the author of It's Not About the Whip: Love, Sex, and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene. Read an excerpt at http://www.trafford.com/robots/03-0551.html . She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn, Vermont's first BDSM group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at SensuousSadie@aol.com or visit her website at www.sensuoussadie.com . Sadie believes the universe is abundant, and that sharing information freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing in most venues.

Copyright 2004 Sadie Sez Publications