Locked in a Chastity Belt while my Dominant is out Fighting the Hun
By Sensuous Sadie
SensuousSadie@aol.com 
www.sensuoussadie.com 

 

Chastity for submissives isn’t about the Dominant not having sex. To the contrary, he gets to get off as much as he wants.

~ Diego, (currently wearing a CB-6000 chastity belt)


Most people know that I have a bit of a ken for the "chastity" thing, and so it was that I was chatting about it with a potential date the other day. His profile stated that he "disliked" chastity which intrigued me, so I asked him what that was about. His response was that he loved sex and he didn’t want a relationship with a Submissive that wasn’t about sex; you know, the ones who are into only non-sexual aspects of BDSM. "Oh MY!" I thought "That wasn’t what I was thinking at all." I began to wonder if other Dominants held that same offbeat view and if perhaps a little expansion on the theme might be in order..

That Dominant’s ideas about chastity aren’t completely unreasonable because historically, women were forced to wear chastity belts to prevent them from having sex with other men while their husbands were away fighting wars. One of the well known reference texts on this subject is The Girdle of Chastity by Eric John Dingwall, which notes some evidence of chastity belts from Italy towards the end of the fourteenth century or the beginning of the fifteenth. However, the first real detailed descriptions of more or less workable and practical chastity belt designs are from the sixteenth century, and most of the evidence for the use of chastity belts refers to the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries.

There have been quite a few updates on the belts since then, not to mention the development of the BDSM community, so I thought I might address what I mean by chastity play in the context of the scene. This article is not meant to be all inclusive, so I’ve added a link to my webpage of extensive references at the end. I’ll also be addressing chastity primarily for women, as that for men is not only physically but psychologically a different beast. More specifically, chastity "belts" for men come in the form of items like the CB2000 which are actually plastic objects which fit tightly around the cock and balls, forcing the cock to stay flaccid. They can be worn for long periods and are quite safe healthwise as long as prostate health is addressed. For women the situation is far more complex.

Chastity & Orgasm Control
Chastity is closely related to orgasm control, and is designed not to prevent either the Submissive or her Dominant from having sex (or at least not just that), but rather to control the sexuality of the Submissive in a fundamental way. In other words, women who wish to be kept "chaste" want to have their sexuality controlled by their Dominant. This means how, when, and whether they are allowed to orgasm, as well as whether they have to "work" for it through service or perhaps being able to take a certain amount of pain for example. This also means that the Dominant will entirely control the context within which they will engage in sex, so the Submissive will not initiate sex or try to deny it to her partner, either overtly or more subtly. This all may sound like standard operating procedure for many BDSM relationships, but in fact D/s styles vary a great deal. Many Dominants have little or no interest in engaging in this kind of control; in fact I can say from experience that I have only had one partner who was interested in controlling me in this way. It’s actually been kind of discouraging when you think about it, but then this kind of activity is something that requires a certain kind of commitment and follow through, and many Dominants have their focus in other areas.

What’s the Attraction of Chastity?
Some women are attracted to chastity because they feel that they have difficulty controlling their own sexuality, or that they may become promiscuous if left to their own devices. The reason I like it is that when I am kept in an aroused state, I become highly focused on my partner and am much more inclined to subspace. Many female Dominants practice some form of orgasm control with male submissives because it is a well-known fact that many men are great Submissives before they orgasm, but frankly not so great after. In some ways that is true for me as well. A sated happy Submissive does not always make an effective Submissive, particularly for those of us who are sexually oriented. On the flip side, both male and female Dominants have told me that this particular kind of control gives them a unique feeling of power. The primary reason for this seems to be that for many people, having an orgasm is one of the most intimate and fundamental parts of their sexuality. Giving up the ability to control their own pleasure – as they have been able to do all their life – is a very big thing to give to another person. It can create deep bonds of emotional and spiritual intimacy as well as dependence.

One of the challenges I have found with many Dominants is that they enjoy getting me off as many times as possible; that is, it’s a real kick for them to see their partner writhing in pleasure all night long (these are not sadists obviously). I’m sure that this is just super fabulous for lots of women, particularly those who may have not been all that orgasmic in their life, which I understand is quite a large percentage of women in general. There are, however, another group of women who are orgasmic, like me, but – like men again – can pretty much only come once a night. Maybe twice on a good night. If my partner gets me off early, not only does my interest wane, but if he keeps trying to get me off again, not only does it usually fail, but it quite often makes me physically uncomfortable. Even worse, sometimes they consider me a challenge and keep at it for hours which just makes for an even longer more unpleasant evening, not to mention that my submissive nature cools down along with my post orgasmic bliss. So for me, and for many other women I’m sure, multi-orgasmic thrills are not an optimal goal. In fact, as I often say to my friends: I can come any time I want with my trusty vibrator; what I want a partner for is for the rest of it, the stuff I can’t get from an electric gadget.

I’ve also always been a bit of a control freak, and so I tend to maneuver my body around in order to optimize whatever pleasure might be coming my direction; it’s the natural thing to do in a vanilla situation of course. And yet I have always wanted a partner who would not allow me to manipulate the activity in this way, which really when you think about it is a way of controlling him as well. This kind of behavior is often managed by Dominants in the context of pain, where they will have their Submissive remain absolutely still and accept a punishment. But rarely do Dominants think to also force their Submissives to remain still and accept a pleasure.

How do the Belts Work?
So, let’s talk a little bit about how to do this chastity thing, or orgasm control if we want to think of it more in the macro view. Contemporary chastity belts for women are rather a complex item, not to mention quite expensive. They are custom made, often out of steel, and run $400 and up (photos after the article). The most challenging part about them is the generally speaking they can only be worn a few days because of hygienic concerns. This is because the front shield which tightly covers the clitoris, also somewhat covers the opening to the vagina. This prevents intercourse, but it also makes going to the bathroom and wiping somewhat more difficult, and the decrease in air circulation can sometimes cause infections if the belt is kept on too long. From what I’ve read, it’s generally recommended that the belts not be worn more than a few days. The main issue I’ve seen with these is that I suspect that they would not work with a plus-sized person. The reason is that they are designed for a flat stomach. If there is a gap made by a tummy, then your fingers could of course slip in the top of the chastity belt which is a big no no!

Another option is what we might call a "symbolic" chastity belt, such as the leather belt from the Stockroom. At just under $100 it is far more affordable, and also custom made to size. I have one of these and it’s fun to wear, but of course it doesn’t actually work as a real chastity belt being that it’s leather. So it’s more of a clothing item or something to wear as a demonstration of your commitment to your partner. It does need to be unlocked to go to the bathroom or the leather would be damaged.

Written Agreements
If you choose a symbolic belt, or don’t use any actual device, you’d be engaging in what you might call "mental chastity." That means that he would give explicit instructions as to when you are allowed to touch yourself, in what areas, if you are allowed to orgasm, and so on. Some of the areas that you and your partner will want to make explicit regarding your chastity agreement are these:
 

  • How long is the agreement for?

  • What specifically are you controlling? Masturbation? Number of orgasms? When and how she comes?

  • Under what circumstances will she be allowed to orgasm? Will there be some kind of service required? Will there be some other kind of experience she needs to go through first?

  • Will the Submissive be allowed to engage with other Dominants, and if so, will this agreement in force even when she is with them? IE can she play with them but is still not allowed to have sexual stimulation?

  • Is the Submissive allowed to initiate sex or request release? How should she express her level of need in a respectful way?

  • Will she be available for her Dominant’s sexual needs at any time?

  • Is the Submissive allowed to masturbate at any time without permission?

  • Is the Submissive allowed to touch her other sexual parts for stimulation at any other time without permission? (nipples, anus, vulva, etc.)

  • What are the levels of punishments if the Submissive fails to abide by any of these rules?

  • Will you have something in writing? (see sample agreement below)
     

Some partners put their agreement in writing which is always a good thing to do as it both creates a commitment on both sides, as well as makes it clear what the consequences are for non-compliance. This following is a short contract from one of my favorite chastity stories.

Chastity Belt Contract
I, Cindy, agree to give complete control of my genitalia to Sonja for an unspecified period of time to be determined solely by Sonja. I agree to wear a chastity belt to prevent all contact with my genitalia for as long as Sonja deems necessary. I accept that Sonja may, but is not required to, allow the removal of the chastity belt for any of the following reasons: medical emergencies, hygiene, masturbation, and sexual intercourse. Furthermore, to help discourage annoying behavior, I explicitly agree that Sonja can not release me for at least 24 hours after any time that I request or demand to be released. I accept these terms freely, and with full knowledge, and hereby forfeit any rights to challenge this document in the future.
Signed, _________

(Reference Cindy, the Belted Nymphomaniac, http://www.lockmeup.com/cb/stories/cindy-020700.html)

Note in particular the bolded sentence which specifies the fact that the Submissive is specifically punished for requesting or demanding to be released. This is worth commenting on because for some people, it can become quite agonizing to be controlled in this way. If allowed to, a Submissive can get caught up in begging to be released, sneaking ways to get pleasure, or manipulating the Dominant into giving her what she needs. These are all not only negative behaviors but can be destructive to a relationship. On the other hand, it’s a good thing to leave some space for these issues to be discussed in a calm way so that emotions don’t get out of hand. If nothing else, orgasm control can most definitely bring out all kinds of complex feelings and emotions, particularly issues around dependency.


Chastity on the Micro Level
Orgasm control sometimes includes several other aspects which you could say come under the umbrella of the micro level, to turn a phrase. The most common and popular version of this is teasing, where a Dominant takes a Submissive near to but not all the way to orgasm. Part of developing a complex relationship between two partners has to do with a Submissive learning to trust this process and – in a sort of Buddhist way – turn themselves over to the result, whether it be that they are allowed to orgasm or not. As you can imagine, this is rather difficult as our bodies are naturally oriented to want to come once aroused, which is in a sense why the long-term arousal of the chastity state of mind, if you will, creates such an intense mental focus in the Submissive. Another popular version of this, although certainly not easy to do, is training a Submissive to orgasm on command. This is a fairly complex process which is too detailed to go into here, but I have known some people who said they could do it.

Safety Concerns
Unlike many areas of BDSM, few parts of chastity play seem to merit any safety concerns for women. For men, Diego tells me that men in long-term chastity (more than a few weeks) need to be "milked" in order to maintain prostate health. The lack of risks overtly involved with things like impact play or bondage can be misleading however, because the safety issues that arise with chastity and orgasm control have to do primarily with the emotional and spiritual self. There are probably some physical issues that can arise from long-term induced arousal without release for women, but in truth I have not read of or heard of any serious physical effects. If players keep in mind reasonable limits and communicate physical concerns clearly, then any physical problems should be avoided. That said, this kind of play does place the submissive is a strongly dependent position emotionally, sometimes far more than regular D/s play. In some of my own experiences, I found that if kept aroused without release for too long a period – such as several weeks or longer – I began to feel seriously emotionally unbalanced. For this reason I recommend that Dominants keep a close eye on their partners particularly under longer term conditions.

So, is chastity and orgasm control about not having sex? I might argue that it’s not just about having sex, but about having it with someone who is saving their best just for you. Now that’s worth going out to fight the Hun for!



Sadie's Page of Chastity Resources - Loads of Great Stuff!


William Jones Chastity Belt (Pennsylvania)

 


Locked in Steel Chastity Belt (New Hampshire)

 


Tollyboy Chastity Belt (U.K.)

 

 


Leather Chastity Belt from the Stockroom

 


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Sensuous Sadie is the author of Spiritual Transformation through BDSM; Stories and Submissions from Fellow Travelers. She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn, Vermont's first BDSM group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at SensuousSadie@aol.com or visit her website at http://www.sensuoussadie.com/. Sadie believes the universe is abundant, and that sharing information freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing in most venues.

Copyright 2008 Sadie Sez Publications